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Dream Interpretation/Constant Dreams About An Ex


QUESTION: My girlfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago and it hit me rather hard. I thought it was possible that it might be coming but I didn't know for sure. I loved her with everything I had. I still love her just as much as the day we broke up.

Over the last few weeks, I've had dreams about her multiple nights a week. These dreams can range from anything to just us casually hanging out, ridiculous dreams of me trying to save and protect her (example of diving into the ocean shielding her so she doesn't get shot but I would instead), sexual dreams, and dreams of her breaking up with me again and us having conversations about our relationship that I want to have and me being extremely upset.

These dreams often make me very sad and often put a damper on the start of my day as I still miss her. Is there any sort of hidden meaning behind these dreams other than the fact that I still love her? I also occasionally have recurring dreams of being the driver of a car on a dark night and unable to slow down despite pushing the breaks. Could this factor in as well?

ANSWER: Hey Jeff,

Your dreams are sure to have been triggered by your break-up.  It's only been a few weeks so it is still very fresh for you.  If you want one of these dreams interpreted, it is best to send a description of the whole dream rather than just a general description because sometimes there are little details which can provide some really usful insight.

The dream where you get shot Is far from ridiculous.  It's a typical metaphor for what has just happened to you. Dreams about death are about something ending in your life so this dream is about coming to grips with what has happened and the fact that your relationship has ended.  In this dream, you were trying desperately to save your love from being shot but despite your efforts, you got shot yourself, so I think this is saying that the break-up was inevitable and there really wasn't anything you could have done to stop it from happening.  The ocean is almost always about deep emotional issues and that you dived into the ocean says that you really gave the relationship everything.  You did not hold back anything.

Is there anything you wanted to say to your ex but didn't get the chance?  It can help you get some acceptance of the whole thing if you are able to get your feelings out.  This might be just writing them down - if you don't think it's appropriate to actually tell your ex face to face.

The dream about you driving the car on a dark night is going to reflect the direction your life is taking at the moment.  Dreams about driving or travelling are about the nature of your own life's journey.  In your case, you are the one driving the car, so in that respect, you are somewhat the master of your own direction. However, it was dark, so you couldn't see where you were going, and also, you were unable to stop or slow down despite wanting to.  I think this is saying that while you want to be in control, things are really getting on top of you at the moment and the future is a really unknown thing for you right now (hence the darkness).  When you're in a relationship, you imagine your future plans as including your partner.  So when a break down occurs, that whole future comes crashing down.  It is now important for you to try to imagine a new future with new plans and new goals.  I think this will be the key to recovery and getting your life back on track.

In the meantime, your driving dream did highlight that you really want to slow down and put your foot on the brakes.  Is it possible to take some time out?  I think it is totally acceptable to mope around and stay in bed if you feel like it.  Or alternatively it might be good just to hang out with friends and family - sometimes being alone during these times can be a bit too depressing. Just don't think you need to soldier on and put on a brave face.  You need to grieve over this very sad loss.  

Feel free to write back if you want more insight into one of your dreams.  I am really happy to help more if needed.

Take it easy.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for your interpretation! What youíve said is pretty accurate and Iím impressed as to what you can pull about the end of a relationship from just those dreams.

Itís been over 2 and a half months now since the break up and Iím still having dreams about her probably 4-5 days a week. Is there any deeper meaning to this other than the fact that I still love her? Iíve been jotting down notes in the morning when I wake up of dreams that stick out vividly from the night before in order to ask you when you return from your vacation, hope it went well!

First are two specific dreams about my ex. The first involved me climbing through a window after traveling there via a tight rope type rope over a long distance and then her telling me where to kiss her. The second, is a bit more interesting and strange in my opinion. We were at one of my roommates wedding and my ex and I go into the ocean (naked for whatever reason if that matters) and we are playing in the ocean as normal people do. I then kiss her and look down and notice that the inside of both of her legs appear to have very bad brush burns. I then carry her out of the water and into a nearby restaurant where I put her in a booth and begin to sooth and take care of her.

Other dreams Iíve had were very strange so I thought I would ask about them too. One involves me waiting for a bus in the rain in the dark for a very long time, way past when the bus was scheduled to arrive, only to realize that I donít have shoes on. I then go inside to get a pair of shoes and then miss the bus as it comes while Iím inside.

Last one for now, Iím going for a nice run, (I jog often as a hobby of mine), and while on this run, I see a cat that is playing with something that looks like a snake. As I get closer and closer I begin to realize that it is not a snake but a strange animal that should have four legs, but it is obvious that the animal is missing them.

Thank you so much for your time and interpretations, I found the first one very helpful and accurate and hope to gain more insight out of these. Hope you vacation went well!

ANSWER: Hey Jeff,
Nice to hear from you.  My 'vacation' wasn't really a holiday.  Just had a rather busy time and thought one less thing to worry about might be in order! Lol.  Thanks for asking!

I'm sure these dreams are saying that you still love your ex.  However, there are some insightful bits in there too which might shed some light on the type of relationship it might have been and perhaps on the type of relationships you have in general???

The first dream where you climb through the window...  With this dream, assuming that it is about your relationship, (It is worth keeping in mind that it might be about some other aspect of your life) it seems as if there was not a lot of freedom for you and not a lot of room to move.  The tight rope for example gives the impression that you were in a very precarious situation and if you stepped out of line, even just a little bit, then there would be trouble for you.  (Eg. If you are walking on a tight rope, even a small diversion or loss of concentration can mean a fall from a serious height.). When you climb through the window, it could be representing a window of opportunity (I wonder if you are thinking about trying to get back with her?). Otherwise it might be just emphasising a small place to climb through, eg yet another hoop to jump through.  The kiss could represent reconciliation (not necessarily that there will be one, but just that you might have been thinking about it).  Once you climb through the window, she shows you were to kiss her so this is probably saying that the relationship really was on her terms, and if there was to be a reconcilliation, it would likely be on her terms as well.

An alternative meaning to these dreams is that your ex represents some personality traits or attributes that you want in your own life.  What kind of person is your ex? †What do you admire about her?  How is she different and how is she similar to you?   How does she approach life?  Is there something about her that you wish you had more of in your own life?  If so, then the kiss might represent incorporating some of her qualities in your own life. Think about her good qualities and how taking on her approach to life might help you at the moment.

The second dream where you both play in the ocean naked...  Again, the ocean is usually about deep emotional issues.  Being naked suggests you are not hiding anything - everything is out there.  Again, you kiss her (see above explanation) and it is not until after this kiss that you see these bad friction burns on her legs.  This might suggest that there was a lot of friction between you two when you were together.  This might not necessarily mean conflict or arguing, but there might have been a lot of tension or uneasiness for one reason or another.  The dream might be saying that to reconsile with her would mean more friction.  Perhaps you yourself feel badly hurt by this friction?  The Restaurant suggests that you need healing from this.  (Although it was your ex being heeled in the dream, because dreams are our own creations and reflect our own lives, it might be you, not your ex, that requires the healing and the nurturing.)

The waiting for the bus one is interesting.  A bus is also a way of getting from place to place so it can also represent your direction in life or your life's journey.  In the dream, it is raining and dark, so maybe it is about sadness and not really being able to see your future or where you are going.  (Your direction is dependent on catching the bus and where the bus is going so maybe you rely on others to tell you what to do???)

This is a very frustrating dream because you have to wait for the bus for so long and then as soon as you go to get your shoes on, the bus comes!  So it seems you feel like you always have to be at the ready.  You can't stop and take care of or protect yourself in case you miss out on something.  Maybe this is also about your relationship?  Having no shoes on in a dream can mean a number of things depending on the context. On the one hand, it can mean you have good grounding and are in tune with your instincts.  On the otherhand, it can mean that you are exposed to the elements.  Eg you have little protection against the rough ground you need to tread on in your life's journey. I feel that the later meaning is more accurate for you.  Although in the dream you did stop to get some shoes on, this caused you to miss the bus.  So basically, the reason why you wear your heart on your sleeve so much, is because you are afraid life will pass you by (maybe????  Well that's my impression anyway.)

The last dream is also very interesting.  Was the cat playing nicely with this creature, or was it "toying" with it????  I wasn't sure about this.  Cats can often represent individuality and self determination.  (A cat is largely a solitary animal).  Alternatively, it can be about feminine instincts or intuition in general.  A cat is also a predator.  The snake-like creature is interesting.  At first you thought it was a snake.  So if it was, it would have its own defences against the cat.  However, when you get closer, you realise it isn't a snake and it is supposed to have legs.  So this creature went from something with power, to something with no power.  No legs means no ability to get places in life.  A creature with no legs is left very vulnerable.  So if there's something in your life where you at first felt very secure, and then realised how vulnerable you were, then this is what the dream is about.

In summary, I think these dreams reveal that you are quite a giving person when it comes to caring for others and you freely tell others how much you care for them.  Obviously these are really great and rare qualities to have.  You don'r want to change this about yourself.  However, you may have become a little too dependent on others for direction because you basically give them your life.  Their goals become your goals.  This has left you feeling extremely vulnerable emotionally.  It is no wonder you feel so hurt.  I think people can tend to take advantage of people like you.

I think the key for you is understanding that you can care about and love people without giving up your own goals and aspirations.  Allowing people to grow and flourish in a relationship should be a two way street!  It should be a mutual thing.  It is really important for you to get back in touch with who you are, what you like doing and what you want to do and achieve in your future.  Are there friends that you've lost touvh with?  It might be time to get back in touch and rebuild a friendship group around you.  Use this time to really rediscover the person you are.  (A little bit of self confidence will really help you.).

Also, you need to learn how to recognise and avoid control freaks!!!!!  Otherwise you're going to find yourself back in the same situation over and over!  I wouldn't jump into a new relationship for a while.  You need to take time out for yourself and get your life back on track.  When you do become ready for your next relationship, make sure you have clear boundaries in your mind about what you will and will not give up.  If for example, your new love interest is not supportive of you hanging out with your mates, then this is a definite alarm bell!  If you feel like you have to be careful what you say or do, this is also a big warning sign.  Learn to recognise these things.

Well these are my impressions of your dreams.  I hope they weren't too out there!  I didn't address everything in your dreams so if you have more questions and comments, I would love to hear.

take care of yourself.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks again for the quick response! I was interested to read what you had to to say and again you did not disappoint. However, I found some things weren't entirely accurate and didn't know if there was a different meaning or something like that. I'm still struggling with all of this so I'm trying to get to the bottom of it and help anyway that I can.

One the dream about the tight rope, the precarious situation was more the distance between us than stepping out of line or anything like that which was never a problem. We met and began dating my senior year of undergrad. I then continued to a grad school about 2.5 hours away so we had a distance relationship. We saw each other about every other weekend. The relationship ended when she just couldn't do the distance anymore and just didn't feel the same way. We loved each other very much, I guess the distance just got to be too much.

The second dream, could the friction again be the distance between us? We never really had any relationship issues and we very rarely fought so could the friction be the struggle the distance provided? The being open and having everything out there is spot on as we had a very open relationship and shared everything with each other.

The bus interpretation makes sense. I am one to wear my heart on my sleeve and not hold anything back. I was very emotional in the relationship(good emotions, not anger or rage or anything like that) and I like people to know how I feel about things

The cat interpretation is perfect and makes complete sense! My life was moving along very well and I was extremely happy! Then came the end of the relationship along with a family sickness along with other things that have sent my life into somewhat of a spiral. I'm trying very hard to get my footing and start over but it's been very difficult.

The one thing that was certainly inaccurate was the control freak part. I don't really have any control freaks in my life and my ex certainly was not one. Is there another meaning that the control part could have? Like I said, I'm struggling with a lot of things right now so could it be my desire to start controlling the things in my life and wanting everything to stable out?

Thank you again for your help with all of this! I loved my girlfriend more than anything in the world and we truly were best friends which is why I'm having a hard time with all of it. Just trying to find a deeper meaning to what my sub-conscious is trying to tell myself. I look forward to your response!

Hi Jeff,

Thanks so much for your comments.  It is very helpful to get feedback like yours.  Sorry about the control freak interpretation! :-/. I was obviously on the wrong track there. (perhaps a little out of practice since my "vacation!!!" lol).

Knowing that there was a long distance relationship makes a lot of sense especially with the tight rope dream.  I noticed when you described the dream you said you "travelled" a "long distance" along the tight rope so this would really make sense that this was symbolic of the long distance relationship.  Maybe the tight rope was signifying more of a balancing act of family life, trying to study, AND on top of everything, having to travel so far just to spend time with your girlfriend.  Was your girlfriend also studying?  If so, then the long distance relationship would have been a real strain and she probably had to choose between her studies and you.  If you"re travelling to see someone, then you kind of have to spend a bigger chunk of time with them than if you lived in the same town.  You probably spent all weekend together when you travelled to see her and there might not have been any time during those weekends to study - which would have made things very stressful.  If you both lived in the same town, then you could have spent shorter periods together more often which would have made studying in between times much easier. (Does that make sense?)

The next dream with the friction burns....  Well it could be about the distance thing.  You said you liked to run so maybe the burns were a reference to running long distances???  I'm not exactly sure about it.  The thing I forgot to put in there was that you were at a wedding - and this normally symbolises commitment.  Maybe the friction wasn't the relationship itself, but more consequences of the long distance relationship.  eg, other parts of your life were difficult to balance???

I hope you are able to keep in touch with her and stay friends despite the break-up.  Keeping one foot in the door so to speak might be in order???  I guess getting more stability in your life is going to help - but easier said than done I imagine.

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