Dream Interpretation/A very disturbing dream...I'm confused.
QUESTION: Last night, I had a bizarre dream- not like any I've had before. I don't understand it at all, and can't find anything online.
I'm a 19 year old male in real life, but I'd place myself around 14 or 15 in this dream. I'm with an invented friend (I have no shortage of real friends, but this particular person does not exist) at an invented mall- a huge, HUGE mall.
At the start of the dream, I was standing in the middle of the mall on the ground floor, staring up at the seemingly endless staircases that went way up to all the many, many floors of this mall. Despite being a terrible, unenthusiastic shopper, I've invented and visited lots of malls in my dreams over the years, for some reason. This one is essentially an unrealistically immense version of the mall down the street from my real-life house in Pointe-Claire, Quebec. Really nothing interesting, but I do remember focusing on the staircases.
My "friend" points out that some people are walking around in strange outfits. They are wearing Pokemon-themed clothing. Pokemon hats, shirts, sweaters, vests, shoes, bags, sunglasses and other accessories. I realize that since random people have all of this stuff, they must be getting it somewhere specific, today. I was a big Pokemon fan as a kid, but in real life today, or even at 14-15, I doubt that I would have been so excited by the prospect of having all this stuff.
We discover that there's an elaborate system of "checkpoints" setup throughout the mall. People find these "checkpoints" and they are simply handed all of this merchandise at once by someone standing in front of a huge pile of the stuff. A certain amount of people find the checkpoint, and then the checkpoint is changed to a new location.
My friend and I run through the mall for hours, but we're always just too late for any of the checkpoints- the mall is about to close and an announcement is made over the PA by an automated robot voice: "THE MALL IS ABOUT TO CLOSE. THE FINAL LOCATION IS JUST OUTSIDE THE MAIN ENTRANCE!" A dramatic stampede scene ensues, as thousands of people rush the "main entrance" of the mall. By the time my friend and I get there, we're way behind the crowd, for some reason. There are thousands of people standing in line, just outside the mall. It was chaos while we were running there, but somehow, when we got there, it seemed like they had been there for a few minutes as they were all perfectly calm and collected.
I became utterly enraged. Suddenly, while the rest of the dream had been from the standard first-person angle, I shifted to seeing myself from a third person view. I watched myself produce an immense machine gun from nowhere. My friend disappeared at some point during this time. He just wasn't there anymore. And then, for what seemed like a very long time, I watched myself mow down thousands of people with this massive gun, smiling and laughing maniacally all the while. It was a very graphic scene with mangled bodies everywhere. Still in third-person, I watched myself throw the smoking gun to the ground and walk over to the table with the person in charge of handing out the merchandise. She was the only one that I had left alive. She was standing there in shock, not crying or anything. As the dream moved back into the first-person point of view, I looked down at all the merchandise piled neatly on the ground, just a few feet ahead of the heaps of bodies.
Then several things dawned on me: I've done a terrible, terrible thing. I've killed all these people for next to no reason. What I have done cannot be forgiven, and I deserve to die. I didn't even touch the merchandise that I had killed all those people for. I simply looked over to the girl next to me. "Have you called the police yet?" She nodded in response. Several police cars arrived, and I went willingly.
In the back seat of the police car, I reflected on everything. I realized that I felt guilty for what I had done, but I was not getting emotional about it. I objectively realized the severity of my actions, but I was just emotionally numb. Eventually, I thought to myself: What I've done is so awful, and so vastly unlike me, that this must be a dream (A realization that I don't usually come to in my dreams). Then, for the first time, I truly started to panic when I thought: but what if it's not? For some reason, I just now began to feel the strain of it. The emotional reaction to the realizations that had come before finally began, though very delayed. I started to hyperventilate, tears welled up in my eyes, and I woke up.
I've had dreams about people dying before, but if I ever killed them it was in action-hero like scenarios. Never before have I been a mass murdering maniac in my dreams. I'm confused by the whole thing, from my actions, to what motivated them, and my cold emotional reaction thereafter. It's all been very unsettling.
There is a lot in this dream, I have read it numerous times making sure I am not overlooking any of the elements. Dreams represent what is going on within us as we are having the dreams. Please realize that dreams are not 'literal', meaning the things that you see in your dream are a 'metaphor' for something. Dreams typically seem so elaborate and 'unreal' because they are meant to get our attention. They are messages from our subconscious to help us deal with what is happening in our waking life. Many times other people in our dreams represent an aspect of our self.
This dream represents a few things for you. First it represents you trying to establish a sense of 'who you are', your identity. Even as a young boy you enjoyed having the 'latest fad or toy' as you have gotten older you are enticed by the latest technology or game always wanting the best because you see these material things as a way of representing who you are. You like to keep up with the trends. Things are changing in your life and it is scaring you just a bit, you are resisting some of the changes and are not seizing some opportunities that are available to you because it is something you have come to care about yet. You are somewhat ambivelant about it. You have some conflicting emotions related to making decisions about your future.
The dream also indicates that you have some repressed anger that you need to talk about or find a way to get rid of. Probably from being pressed to make a decision you are not ready to make. When you saw yourself in the dream and were witnessing the anihiliation of the crowd it was a message a way for you to see how the repressed anger looks from the outside.
The dream is trying to tell you to decide what it is YOU want and express your feelings about it.
I want to ask if you if this has anything to do with college or parents pressuring you into something you do not wish to do?
Please f/u and let me know if this interpretation makes sense to you.
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QUESTION: Thank you very much for your elaborate answer. I was rather distraught while typing up the dream, and I can see now that some bits are poorly written or are otherwise unclear. Thank you for being able to make something substantial of such a garbled (albeit genuine) mess.
Something that I would like to clarify (as I didn't specifically say it originally and I don't know whether it makes a difference); the flashy merchandise "loot bag" being handed out to everyone but my friend and I was free. It was a kind of promotion. If you got to the checkpoint in time, they gave you this stuff for free- I would not have had to pay for it once I got there.
I suppose I do keep up with the world in some ways. I'm amused by the current "Internet gags" and I've watched a few recent shows just to "keep up." There are these little things, but by and large, "keeping up with the trends" is not a defining characteristic of my personality. For instance, I wear clothes that are several years old and have no interest in replacing them with the latest fads. Also, I just now got a cell phone, though I had been indifferent about having one for years. Not only this- but I'm very grounded in my tastes and values. I'm a beer connoisseur and refuse to drink the cheap alcohol that friends my age normally indulge in, I'm a music snob, and my political views differ greatly from the average Canadian far-left-wing teenager, despite how much negative attention this has brought my way over the years. So that particular aspect of your analysis came as a surprise to me.
The rest of it does come as news, but it makes more sense to me. I'm a student in University right now, and I'm collecting pre-requisites to get into business school. It's a tough and stressful process, and I'm still not entirely sure what I want to do with my life. I'm just going for business school because I feel like I want to do something "business-y" but I still don't know what major I want. There's also the fact that this whole education conflicts with my passion for music. I often wonder if there's a future for me in music (I'm quite a good singer)and now that my band recently broke up, I fear that I'm letting a huge part of me die. I often worry that opening the door to the business world will mean closing the door to the music that I love.
As far as anger goes, I was a very angry child. I was bullied all throughout elementary school and became known as "the spaz" because of my incredibly short fuse. I would start barking insults and crying as soon as I felt threatened. I quite literally graduated out of that when I started high school. I made it my mission to not have those kinds of outbursts anymore, no matter what new "foe" came about. I haven't had a "nemesis" in the way I always did as a child since I started high school seven years ago. Not including my little brother of course, a lifelong menace and eternal thorn in my side. He can still make me tick from time to time. Apart form that, I actually became quite popular in the later years of high school- my friends and I became "school legends" starting around Grade 10. Our silly antics were renowned. I've actually been known as a very calm, cool and collected person since that time.
I guess I have some self-exploration to do, to see where this anger is coming from. I always imagined that my outbursts as a child looked stupid and ridiculous. If they looked the way they looked in the dream, the were actually quite scary.
Hopefully all this extra information is of some use. Thanks again for your insightful information.
ANSWER: I'm a beer connoisseur and refuse to drink the cheap alcohol that friends my age normally indulge in,
This can actually relate to what I picked up in the dream regarding 'fads/trends and/or keeping up" because all of that has to do with 'good taste, discrimination' as you reference your friends 'lack of good taste'. (laughing).
The stress around your decisions is what causes the dream. The dream bringing your childhood outbursts to your consciousness as a warning to avoid the stress getting to be too much. It sounds like you found the tools through the years and the maturity to stay grounded and calm. However, even as a grounded and calm adult if stress becomes to much we fall into our innerchild.
Your decisions......I balance a very busy life in corporate america in business. I also have my side business which is my spiritual work, add a seat on a board of directors, some radio shows and a few other things it gets quite complicated. You have to decide 'what is going to pay my bills and what am I going to do for fun to feed my soul. Sometimes it is not the same thing.
You can only fit so much into your life, Business school is good no matter what you choose down the road because it will give you tools you can apply to anything.
Just out of curiousity I would like to know your snobbish taste in music.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you so much. I'm sorry if this whole thing is getting too long, I know you're very busy. It's just so amazing that by slowly talking about this stuff, I'm going from feeling confused and scared about this experience to actually feeling quite comfortable and happy.
You're right, of course. It's all about balancing things out. Compared to the list of things you've mentioned, music and business doesn't sound like enough to make up a life! I just need the vote of confidence sometimes to be reminded that I can do all of this stuff...and probably more. There's my non-existent love life which I should start working on at some point, too! haha..incidentally, that's another thing that's caused some stress from time to time. At 19 years old, I still haven't had anything close to a girlfriend and just don't know what to do with the opposite sex- at all. I sometimes wonder if I've "missed" some "boat."
My music taste? Well, the closest thing to "mainstream music" that I listen to are the well-known classic rock bands. The Beatles (and solo projects), Zeppelin, Deep Purple, The Who, and all the hundreds of usual suspects that entails. I also dabble in metal (but only the bands that have a "smart" enough sound. I dismiss brainless thrashing for what it is! haha) as well as some Jazz and Classical, but my true love is 1970's Progressive Rock. Groups like Genesis, Yes, Camel, Emerson, Lake and Palmer, King Crimson, Gentle Giant, Van der Graaf Generator, and the list goes ever on. I'm very vocal about how the majority of music released since the 90's utterly disgusts me, and I think it's getting worse all the time. There are some groups that follow in the footsteps of the greats, but by and large, I can't stand what's going on today, and I've never been afraid to bash heads with people who defend the particularly dreadful "artists." I'm "that guy" who gives detailed arguments for why his tastes are better than everybody else's. I'll never feel guilty about it, though! It's mostly my hatred of the new stuff that makes me a snob, I think, rather than my very particular taste.
Thank you. You have a very mature mind for someone who is 19 and it very well could be because you have not clouded it with 'looking for a love life'. I could tell you that it is not what it is cracked up to be. But that would be a lie. So many are shallow and approach love in a shallow way that has them thrashing around from relationship to relationship like the thrashing music that you reject.
Apply music to love. What I mean is this, it is all energy, vibration, frequency. Most people do not recognize Love, love is a feeling it is not tangible. It is not about what another can give you but what you can give to another. And when you meet a girl if it feels like she is taking from you she is not the right one. I think you will recognize this very easily because you are in tune with vibration and sound.
Music is very important to me, this is why I asked. I use sound in some of the work that I do. I have very interesting tastes in music that are very broad in my likes. I feel music. People do not realize how profound the effect of sound is on the emotions and the physical body. But it is, because of the frequency and vibration.
Yes, talking through the dreams helps to bring clarity. I have been working with dreams for about 35 years. It is my passion.