AboutTonya Expertise I can help with the following categories: infant-toddler care,curriculum for two through four year olds, child development associate (CDA), teacher-parent concerns, classroom projects and ideas, developmental questions, lesson planning, developmentally appropriate practice, child care director questions. I can give information based on my experiences, opinions, and education although I cannot answer questions that require psycholgical or developmental diagnosis.
Experience I have worked in the field of early childhood education for fifteen years. I previosly taught preschool and kindergarten. I am currently an administrator for a center accredited by the National Association for the Education of Young Children. I also conduct and attend parent and teacher workshops on various topics related to early childhood.
Organizations National Association for the Education of Young Children
Publications Mailbox Magazine
Local Community Association Newsletter
Newsletter for local chapter of National Association for the Education of Young Children
Education/Credentials BS in Psychology with Early Childhood Credits
Infant-Toddler Certification
Currently working on MS in Education
Child Development Associate (CDA) Advisor
Level Six Maryland Credential
Expert: Tonya Date: 7/15/2008 Subject: Extrememe case of Separation Anxiety in the classroom
Question QUESTION: I am one of 4 teachers in a classroom of 2 year olds that lasts from 9-noon 3
days a week. There is a little girl in the class who cries every morning when
her mom drops her off and doesn't stop crying until I hold her and and
comfort her, no other teachers will do.
From the point in the morning where her mother drops her off until her
mother picks her up, she won't leave my side. Even if she wants to play with
the other kids, she will ask me to come with her if its only feet away from
where we are standing. If I tell her to go on her own, she refuses to and stays
by my side. At a couple points during the day I tell her I need to leave the
classroom to use the bathroom and she looses control and starts crying and
screaming, even if I tell her "Im just going down the hallway to use the
bathroom and I will be right back", she cries uncontrollably and the other
teachers try to sooth her for the 2 minutes I'm gone but she doesn't calm
down until I get back. Sometimes I don't know whether to comfort her more
in these situations or sort of push her to be a little more independent and
play with the other kids. Please help if you know any techniques that might
help this situation.
ANSWER: Hi Darla. The good thing is that this little girl is comforted by you while her mother is away. But I can see the challenges of having someone so attached to you.
You didn't mention how long the little girl has been in childcare and if this is her first experience away from her mom. It may be that she just needs time.
Here are some things that you can try: When she is playing with other children, praise her and each time she gets involved move slightly further away but still within eyesight. To tell her to play across the room might be too far away for her - so if you stay close to her and gradually back away over time she may get used to not needing you so close all the time. For example: for the first week you might play with her and other children while she is still close to you; the second week you might want to try sitting in a chair just a few inches away from her. Each time she gets comfortable with you at a particular distance, try moving a little further away each time but still give her verbal interaction and eye contact.
Does she have any security items that she uses at home? A blanket or doll? Maybe allowing her to bring this item to school will give her some comfort too.
It sounds like you already do this, but whenever you (or her mom) leave the room always tell her that you'll be back. Never sneak away while she is playing or not looking. This tends to make children even more clingy because they are scared you are going to leave while they are playing. So tell her before hand even though she may cry. Eventually she will learn that you will come back.
Realize that toddlers/two year olds often go through a second-bout of separation anxiety so some of her behavior is appropriate for her age.
I understand what you mean when you say you are unsure if you should comfort her when she is crying uncontrollably. Sometimes children learn very quickly that their crying gets them what they want. Without knowing more about the situation, it's hard for me to predict if this is the case.
Please keep me posted on how things are going. If you need more ideas I'll do some research and get back to you with more ideas.
Best Wishes!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: thanks so much for the help Tonya! Great advice and I will exercise it in the
classroom. I will also try and remember to ask her mother about a security
blanket/toy that she may have at home.
I also just found out today from the little girl's mother that her mother has
recently had a child and since this little girl is now a big sister, she has
become a lot more clingy to her mother and anyone who is her caretaker for
the time being (during our time in the classroom, me) I'm not sure of how
long she has been in day care since I started working at the preschool only
this month but I do know that it has been at least 3 weeks, most likely longer.
If this news about a new child in the little girl's family give you any more
insight into the situation please let me know, if not thank you for you're help
so far!!
Answer Darla - a new baby at home does shed some more light on the situation. I would talk to Mom and make sure that the little girl has some special time with mom and that she has a role with the baby (like getting diapers or helping to hold the bottle) so that she doesn't feel slighted at home.
Let me know how things are going and if you need more help. Just give it some time and I'm sure it will all work out.
