AboutCindy Caporaso Expertise I can answer questions in various areas of child development including ages and stages, how to foster growth in the development of young children, what to look for in early childhood centers and in early childhood providers. and ways to stimulate a child`s natural curiosity.
Experience I have been working in the field of Early Childhood Education for over 25 years. I hold a B.A. degree in Education and a Master of Education in Human Development. I alsop provide training to early childhood educators rlating to their work. Currently, I am teaching a Child Development Associate course at my school. I am also the kindergarten teacher. In the past, I have been the lead teacher for children from infancy through school-age.
Organizations NAEYC
Education/Credentials B.A. degree in Education 1980
M.Ed degree in Human Development/Counseling 1986
Expert: Cindy Caporaso Date: 12/30/2007 Subject: shy 5 year old
Question Our 5 year old daughter is extremely shy. She won't talk to any grownups (aunts, uncles, neighbors, etc.) except me and my wife and her daycare providers.
An example..We went over to her aunt's house for Christmas.
She would not talk to her aunt, or open up her gifts. She "clung" to my wife. This is common for her to do around everybody.
She will not talk or say "thank you"(for gifts) on the phone. I asks her why and she said she is afraid and/or uncomfortable.
Her daycare (child development) teachers say she is "opening up" allot with the teachers and her siblings.
She is normal (but a little shy) at daycare. She is developing fine.
I discussed this (shyness) with her pediatrician, and he did not seem too concerned about it. He said it was sometime normal. Not to worry.
She does not have any friends except at daycare.
She is "extremely normal and talkative around me and my wife.
What do you think of this situation? Is it normal? What is your opinion? Thanks for your time........
Answer Hi..
I am including some sites and articles for you. Just remember not to push..I know parents and teachers have a tendency to do this with children who are "shy." Alos, try to get away from the label. Others will use it if you do and they wull think this is okay.
Give her time at her school..let her grow there and it will expand. If possible, try to get in to observe her without letting her see you. Even better...send the teachers a video camera ot use discreetly.
If the doctor is not worried, then you should not be either. enjoy her gifts and help her to find them.
Don't label your child as shy. Children tend to live up to labels, both positive and negative.
Resist the instinct to overprotect your child. Sheltering him sends the message that he isn't competent and can't handle himself.
Be on the lookout for situations in which your child can interact socially without being overwhelmed. For example, invite friends to your house rather than push your child to go to other children's homes.
Foster a close friendship for your child. With at least one friend, she can more easily break into social circles and situations.
Provide modestly challenging social exercises to give your child practice dealing with his fears.
Talk to your child about times when you have felt shy and how you coped. You don't need to draw a moral from your story. Just provide her with a model of overcoming an urge to withdraw.
Hi..
here are some articles you may want to read:
Shyness is a situation that just about all children deal with to some degree. While there are children that are so overcome with shyness that he or she cannot function, the typical shy child may simply be having a difficult time adjusting to changes in the home or school environment, or be in need of some confidence builders. Here are some suggestions to help shy children find their voice and place in the world.
The first thing to understand about a shy child is that very few situations actually involve a deep rooted social phobia that cripples the childs ability to interact with others. More commonly, the child may be perfectly comfortable interacting with parents, a sibling, and perhaps one or two close friends. In these types of situations, a lack of confidence may be at the root of the shyness. There are two basic ways to help build that confidence level and help the shyness to begin to recede.
First, recognize that the shy child may simply be an uninformed child who hesitates to get involved because he or she does not know how to interact in a given social situation. For example, a young boy who does not seem to care for engaging in a baseball game with the neighborhood boys may be lacking in a working knowledge of the game. Wishing to not appear unintelligent before his peers, it is easier to simply avoid the situation and stay home.
Most people do hesitate to try something new when there is no prior knowledge or understanding of the basics of the task. This trait is magnified in children, who are easily stung by ridicule. If the shyness seems to be due to a desire to avoid the unknown, then equipping the child with knowledge will make a big difference. In addition, allowing for practice and implementation of the knowledge in a safe zone, such as the back yard, will start the shy child on the way to taking some chances and reaching out.
While many children are perfectly comfortable with tasks, he or she may not feel comfortable socializing with others. Again, if the shy child does well with parents and other trusted loved ones, lack of confidence may be the root of the shyness. Arranging for one or two classmates to come for a play date that is specifically for a particular activity, such as swimming in the back yard pool, may be a way to help the shy child increase his or her ability to interact socially.
The trick is to combine planned activities with a location that the child considers safe. The combined activities will provide a focus so there is something to talk about, and the safe place helps the child to feel in control of the interaction. Over time, the emphasis can move from planned activities to simply getting together. From there, the shy child may begin to exhibit the desire to participate in activities outside the customary safe zones.
A shy child may feel as if he or she has to be talking all the time to interact effectively. Help your shy child to understand that a big part of socializing is listening to what other people have to say, and learning to ask questions that help stimulate others to talk about their interests. Not only does this allow the shy child to share about himself or herself once a comfort level is established, it also allows the child to learn more about other people. Learning that others may have similar thoughts can often build bridges and make it easier to interact with other children.
Of course, a shy child who does not respond well to these sorts of encouragement may in fact need to be evaluated for social phobias. Often, a school counselor can recommend a therapist who will evaluate the shy child and determine what types of treatments are in the best interest of the child. Whether the shy child simply needs more knowledge and confidence to begin interacting with others, or whether professional help is needed, the good news is that shyness can be treated and overcome.
-----
Provide unconditional love.
Read books to your child about other shy children and how they overcame their fears. Knowing that other children experience what he does and triumph can relieve anxiety and provide a model of success.
