English as a Second Language/essay i am learning English on my own could you check my essay thanks
Educational system is around the world is quite different from each other. In some countries pupils when they are teenagers are able to make a choice- to stay at school and continue to study subjects which are a prerequisite to enter the universities or to attend some vocational courses in order to be able to work as soon as they leave school. As far as I am concerned, I strongly believe that it is vital when school will teach children skills which will be essential for their future career. However, I think children must be taught to be proficient in manual labor when they reach sixteenth. Twelve and thirteen year olds are not quite mature in order to be sure what they want to do in the future. For example, if a teenager at the age of thirteen chooses to join vocational courses in order to become a hairdresser then if at the age of eighteen he would change the mind and decide to be a psychologist then it would be quite difficult for him to catch up the subjects which he will need to know in order to be a psychology student. To take such consequences into attention, students must learn the basic subjects at least up to fifteen. According to an ideal set of facts when students reach the age of fifteen they should be taught basic subject in parallel with vocational subject such as technology. On the other hand, there are people who believe that no vocational subject are appropriate at schools. Children must be taught the same subjects until they are quite mature to choose their future profession. Numerous leading psychologists claim that teenagers very often changes their mind. So it is advisable they are taught all subjects at school. The world of work should be presented to them when they finish school. In conclusion, it is a tough question if students at school must be prepared for a world of work. We must be aware that teenage ages are the quite difficult that's why students must be given a chance to be taught all subjects while they are at school which are necessary to get higher education. As for vocational subjects they can be taught or in high classes at school or in a special vocational colleges which accept students with school certificates.
it's my pleasure to help you. Please see below the revised version of your essay.
Educational systems around the world are quite different from one another. In some countries, teenage pupils (students) are able to make a choice - to stay in school and continue to study subjects which are a prerequisite for universities or to attend some vocational courses in order to be able to work as soon as they leave school.* (see note below)
As far as I am concerned, I strongly believe that it is vital for schools to teach skills that will be essential for the future careers of the students. However, I think children must also be taught to be proficient in manual labor by the time they turn sixteen. Twelve and thirteen year old children are not mature enough to decide what they want to do in the future. For example, let's say a thirteen year old student chooses to join a vocational school in order to become a hairdresser. If upon turning eighteen he changes his mind and decides to become a psychologist instead, then it would be quite difficult for him. He would have catch up on all the subjects required to become a psychology student.** (see my note below) With this in mind, in my opinion, students must learn the basic subjects such as *** (see note below) at least until they turn fifteen. I would also think that after students turn fifteen they should be taught basic subjects in parallel with vocational subjects such as technology.
On the other hand, there are people who believe that no vocational subjects are appropriate to be taught in schools. These people consider that all students must be taught the same subjects until they are mature enough to choose their future profession. Numerous leading psychologists claim that teenagers very often change their minds. These experts advise that students should be taught a variety of subjects in school, and that work environments should be presented to them only after they finish high school.
In conclusion, the original question: "Should students be prepared for the work force while in school, or should the focus be on their academic development?" is a difficult one. We must keep in mind the fact that teenage years are the quite difficult so I think that students must be taught a variety of subjects while they are in school. This will help them in the future, should they decide to pursue their education and go to college or university. As for vocational subjects, these can be taught either in high school or in special vocational colleges.
* I feel like there is something missing from this paragraph. You stated that: "In some countries..." It would be logical to me to continue with one more sentence along the lines of: "In other countries..." do you understand what I mean?
(the original sentence here was something we call a run-on sentence - extremely long and difficult to follow. I split it into several shorter ones, but the overall meaning is the same. That's one suggestion I have for you - your English is quite good, even more so since you're doing this on your own. Try to keep your sentences shorter.)
*** you may want to list here some of the specific "basic" subjects you have in mind
As you can see Mila, I tried to organize your essay into several paragraphs. It's advisable you do that as it's easier to tell apart the different ideas you're trying to communicate.
I hope this helps.
Feel free to follow up if you think I can further assist you, with this essay or other topics you may have in mind. I'll do my best to get back to you as promptly as possible.
Looking forward to more of your questions.