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Ethics/sex in front of children

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alicia wrote at 2010-01-24 19:40:52
so they were not wrong having sex in front of an 11 year old it doesn't matter what they did back then today is today! you cannot hold the past accountable for everything like slavery and men dressing in skirts today marks molestation nudity and other graphic images shown on television what they did WAS WRONG! come on an 11 year old you have to be freaking kidding me stuff like that leads to her having sex at an early age and getting pregnant you are a sick disgusting man!


Mrs Gives a damn wrote at 2010-04-19 05:02:08
Wow, wayne you are amazingly misleading. Your are very wrong about there not being a law about this first of all, and second if you do this infront of children you need to be in jail yourself. And yes it is a form of molestation. Call up any local law enforcement agency and see how far you get with your "I have sex in front of children." Yes, it is a natural act for people especialy parents to have sex however it is very illegal and several differant laws apply to it depending on that specific situation. Nicole I hope you read this even though you posted it along time ago, and I hope you contact the local authorities with it. I don't know how old you are know but even if you are older there are no statuet of limitation anymore meaning it doesn't matter how long ago the crime was. Your father was very inappropriate and for your own confort if anything no by no means is that okay. And your mom should have stopped it before it started. Your parents could have went outside or somewhere where you were not and it would have been okay, then again if they would have done that there wouldn't have been a problem to begin with. I have a toddler and a infant and my common sence and morals most especialy keep from even wanting to be sexualy active infront of my children. Laws are based on a situation and age of the children. Circumstance is very important here but the fact that you were 11 makes circumstance not apply here. I hope I have helped you and I wish I could just give people like wayne a good talking to and correct their misleading with jail time seems to me someone is misleading to make his own surrcumstance seem okay.  


Jessica wrote at 2010-07-03 00:58:58
Actually that was child sexual abuse. Forcing a child to watch parents having sex is abuse, the same it is abuse to force a child to watch porn.



A child is not an adult who can get up out of bed and say 'stop this' children can'd do that like an adult can.

Let me ask, would these people have sex in front of the neighbours children like this? If not, why is it OK to do infront of their own?



The father watching the child is exibitionism and he clearly abused his daughter by doing this and then asking her if she liked it.



Its called child abuse. Yes there is a law against doing sexual acts infront of children!


SOKOL wrote at 2010-11-09 07:04:28
I allmost, agree with Wayne. Almost because I don't see anything inappropriate in father asking her 11 year old daughter if she liked what she saw? It is normal that parents love each other or have sex. I think that in normal families children like when their parents love each other and have sex often. Asking about liking these things does not have to have sexual context. Her father could be aware that his daughter sees these things for the first time, and maybe asked her if it bothered her by asking if she liked it. In normal family children want their parents to love each other and to have sex often. Seeing parents having sex can be disturbing only for children in pathological families where parents used to make secret out of their sex life like it was a crime. Then, when child sees that their parents have sex, then the considers it a crime, and thinks about it like something illegal like in the case aboce.


Old Papa wrote at 2011-02-23 19:28:27
I was shocked at the answer given by Wayne, especially after learning he was a former clergyman. I guess he left because he found Bible standards and principles too strict.

Numerous Bible standards were violated in this poor soul's witnessing this sex act. I won't address the legal aspect. There's the whole modesty standard, oh and let's not forget the "putting the interests of others before your own" standard. How about love for your children? No father who genuinely loves his kids would commit such an act in front of them. Kids at that age don't completely understand what is happening or if someone is being hurt physically. He couldn't wait a night or two until the camping trip was over to have some privacy?

Sexual intercourse from the Biblical standpoint is in private between a man and his wife, there is no 3rd party included (though God can witness it), especially one's own kids. To do that is what the Bible calls fornication (from the Greek word "pornia" which means gross sexual misconduct) or at very least loose conduct or uncleanness. Even a non-religious father with decent morals would not have done this. What ignorant people do in other countries because of over-population is irrelevant.

Any serious Bible student knows these very basic things Wayne.  To insinuate that she is partly guilty because she kept watching was pretty hateful in my opinion. Young kids in these situations do not know what to do because they are used to taking directions from there parents.

This woman should get counseling so she can put it behind her and focus on the future.


disgusted reader wrote at 2013-02-16 05:15:06
I know this post is way old but I have to point out that yes, what this father did was illegal.  Adults who perform sexual acts when they know children are watching are guilty of committing a lewd act involving a minor (there doesn't have to be actual contact between the minor and the adult).  People can and have been arrested for it.  The girl should not feel ashamed for not looking away and no, this doesn't mean she liked it.  She is a child and can not be expected to know what she should do in such a situation.  The father asking if she liked it shows he is sick in the head.  You shouldn't be having sex in front of your daughter in the first place and you sure as HELL shouldn't be trying to find out if she enjoyed it!  Watching your parent have sex is NOT part of a healthy parent/child relationship I don't care WHAT country you are in.  Wayne, I'm glad you were never my pastor.  Pastors should have more morality than you and give better advice than you gave Nicole.  I hope God will deal with you for condoning the disgusting behavior of this father.


disgusted reader wrote at 2013-02-16 15:11:20
Furthermore Wayne, my husband hails from one of those foreign countries where children  commonly share sleeping space with parents (he did until he was a teenager).  People in his country aren't savage beasts who openly fornicate in front of their kids.  He NEVER witnessed sex between his parents and when I told him how you assumed this was normal in his part of the world he was just as disgusted as I am. What Nicole is describing is not an instance where she accidentally walked in on mommy or daddy and they stopped what they were doing and covered up.   Her Father knew she was aware of what was happening and actually seemed to derive some perverse pleasure from doing it in front of his child.  As a parent it is up to you to act like an adult and set healthy boundaries with your child-- this mean putting aside your bialogical sexual urges until they a time when they won't have to whitness them.  If you can't understand this you aren't qualified to give advice on ethical behavior.


Truthmaven wrote at 2015-07-22 23:59:04
I have to disagree with Wayne Tucker on this one--this was indeed child sexual abuse, as they knew you were watching and continued doing it anyway. The comment made by your father was totally inappropriate and unacceptable. Please check out this link for more information on child sexual abuse: http://www.parentsprotect.co.uk/faq.htm



That a former Methodist minister would say their conduct was acceptable is beyond me, as I received a MS in Marriage and Family Therapy, and we were trained that this was most definitely NOT ok! Child sexual abuse does not merely involve sexual acts with a minor, but include showing pornography and/or knowingly engaging in sexual acts in front of a minor. Check the link to see if you exhibited any symptoms of victimization, and if these issues are affecting your life negatively in the present, please seek out a mental health professional to further explore those issues.  


Truthmaven wrote at 2015-07-22 23:59:10
I have to disagree with Wayne Tucker on this one--this was indeed child sexual abuse, as they knew you were watching and continued doing it anyway. The comment made by your father was totally inappropriate and unacceptable. Please check out this link for more information on child sexual abuse: http://www.parentsprotect.co.uk/faq.htm



That a former Methodist minister would say their conduct was acceptable is beyond me, as I received a MS in Marriage and Family Therapy, and we were trained that this was most definitely NOT ok! Child sexual abuse does not merely involve sexual acts with a minor, but include showing pornography and/or knowingly engaging in sexual acts in front of a minor. Check the link to see if you exhibited any symptoms of victimization, and if these issues are affecting your life negatively in the present, please seek out a mental health professional to further explore those issues.  


Bert wrote at 2015-11-06 16:28:35
Individual sexual exploration can take place at an early age. Even sub 5yos find pleasure in playing with themselves. Parents can shape the experiences accordingly and produce the forbidden secretive or a relaxed familiar reaction for future episodes. And although playing sexually with your kids in this American society is against the law in other cultures it is acceptable. However having sex in front of your children or perhaps rather just not hiding it is fine as far as I know (but laws change). So given the time of your question you watching your parents performing was not "abuse" to you but rather a late exposure to sexuality; therefore it was a stunning experience for you. If raised in an atmosphere of discussion about sex from an early age and having heard and perhaps seen mom and dad sexually engaged prior to your stated experience you may have simply told your parents to, "Keep it down" or rolled over and pulled a pillow over your ears. Frankly dad's next day remarks were a bit weird.  


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Wayne Tucker

Expertise

As a former United Methodist pastor, I think I am qualified to address the issue of right and wrong. I believe some things are wrong, and some are right. Some actions may be right, but for the wrong reason. And some persons undertake wrong actions for a right reason.

Experience

I was a United Methodist pastor from 1988 until the summer of 2010. I spent 6 years as an industrial Chemist. I have raised 2 kids. I have worked with youth for several years.

Education/Credentials
M. Div, Christian Theological Seminary (Indianapolis), 1991

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