Expressing Yourself to Others/What to do?


Okay, well... I'm 20, and my boyfriend Paul is 22. Him and I have been together for a little over 3 years, and he lives with my mom and I. My mom agreed to let him move in last year around this time because his father is a drunk and would verbally abuse him constantly and smack him around when he was drunk. One time he came over my house with a nasty black eye and marks all over him and my mom offered to let him move in because she knows he's a good kid. Honestly, we would move out but him and I are both full time students and cannot afford it right now. He pays her rent, and he's really helpful around the house. He does all of the yard work for us, cleans up around the house and helps take care of our animals.

Him and I share a room and my mom knows that we have sex, and while she doesn't love it, she knows that we're safe about it. He is my first and only and him and I are probably going to get married someday. My mom and I have discussed this topic and she says that she knows she can't stop it from happening, but to just "be careful." Anyways, (sorry to be blunt) I'm sort of into light sub/dom kind of stuff; I like being dominated and pushed around a bit. We don't get too into it, though. No tying up anyone or anything. But Paul sent me an... Inappropriate text... At one point, and my phone screen turns on when I get a text. My phone was on the table and my mom saw. The text included him talking about his hand around my neck and he called me some really inappropriate things. My mom lost it, saying how demeaning that is to me, letting him do/say all that stuff. I told her that I encourage it and it's fine. Those names that he calls me stay in the bedroom. He is a sweetheart and he would never call me anything disrespectful unless it is in the bedroom and I'm okay with it. He's very respectful of me, but the bedroom is different than the rest of the time but she doesn't get it. She is very angry and I can't seem to calm her down about it. I don't want her saying anything to Paul because... Awkward... What do I do?

Hi, Thanks for your question. That is a bit of a dilemma!! I don't know that you can really solve this in the way that you want. Her little girl is being ""violated" ( her thoughts I'm guessing) and that is going to hard for a parent to handle. It will also be hard for her to look at your boyfriend in the same way. Awkward is right!  You are adults now so what you do is your choice but under her roof......  Move out?  At minimum maybe you and your boyfriend could sit down with your mom and talk about it all openly. I don't think hiding it from him is fair and really it's not possible your mom will likely not be able to pretend that nothing is going on for her. Not sure what else to suggest   I suppose it is one of the perils of living with your boyfriend in your Mom's house !!  All the best.


Expressing Yourself to Others

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Shanac M.A. Counselling Psychology


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