Expressing Yourself to Others/Feelings.

Advertisement


Question
Hello Deb, I am a 22 year old male from Texas. First, I want to thank you for taking the time to answer my question.

i just need your help on what to do. please i don't want you to say that you cant answer. i just need advice. I guess since i cant talk to anybody, i just need a friend to talk to and give me some advice. so at least i can talk to someone.

At this time, I have a lot of stress. I work a lot, there is always problems at my house with parents. Why haven't I moved away from my parents you may ask? Well I work at an oil field and my parents are immigrants here in the USA, so they cant work. I sustain. That really does not bother....... but all put aside. the problems, work, stress and all the negativity. there is someone that takes all the pain in my body and in my head away. yep, its a girl. First time i met this girl, was like any other ordinary girl. we became friends. i met her last year because my parents became friend with her parents. is something that i don't want to fall in love with her. i know is bad, but heart is killing me and i sometimes get the butterflies in the stomach feeling every time i see her. i tried to get away from her, but some how we always end up seeing each other. for some reason she loves being with me. i enjoy her company. i am a quiet person. but with her i am a parrot. i can spend hours with her talking. now you may be asking why i cant fall in love with her....... here it goes..... she is only 12 years old. i know, she is tooooo young. but for some reason i like to be around her. and with all the problems going on in my life she makes me have at least one smile. at first i just look at her like any other little girl, but when i started to talk to her. i started to have feelings. i told one of my friends that is a girl and she called me a pedophile. i don't think of her sexually in any way. i am not like that. my friend told me that anything could happened if i was alone with her. well i have been alone with her for 2 day when my parents and her parents when on a trip. it never crossed my mind to kiss her, touch her or anything. i prefer killing myself if that ever crosses my mind. she just makes me happy. i just don't know why i started to have feelings for her. i don't know what to do. everyday i work, i cant get her out of my mind. i dated other girls my age and all they want is sex, money and or party. i am not like that. i have really tried to get away from her. i even traveled to NY for 2 weeks to forget her. but it didn't work, im going crazy. nobody know about this, only one of my friend. well she was my friend. so please help me. is this "love what i am feeling?" i just feel, like if i should protect her and take care of her 24/7. when my life is turned upside down, for some reason she makes me smile. please give some advice. what is this feeling? why? please don't say to go to some kind of doctor. i just need some advice on what to do. thank you. have wonderful day.

Answer
The first thing you need to do in order to avoid being clingy is trust the other person totally. They are not like your ex, and will not do the same thing to you. Not every man or every woman is out to break your heart or steal your money. Relax and do not blow a good relationship because you feel selfish.

The second thing you need to do in order to avoid being clingy is realize that the one you love is in love with who you are. That will not change unless you continue to be selfish and that will only serve to drive that person away. Be yourself, the person they fell in love with and not the person who clings and is selfish.The third thing you need to do in order to avoid being clingy is keep yourself busy. When you feel like being clingy usually, it is because you are lonely and keeping busy will eliminate that need. Find a hobby, read a book, visit a friend, or clean your house from top to bottom do anything you can do to avoid being selfish.

The fourth thing you need to do in order to avoid being clingy is realize that one you love has a life which you are a part of. You are not that person's whole life and you should not consume them, for that only brings heartbreak to both of you. Do not try to consume their every waking moment of their life; they have jobs and a life outside of you.

The fifth thing you need to do in order to avoid being clingy is allow the other person to be themselves. You fell in love with that person because of whom they were, and if you cling to them for life support then you are changing them from whom you love. You should never want to change someone you love.There are a lost of reasons not to be clingy or selfish in a loving relationship and I hope I have convinced you not to be either.  

Expressing Yourself to Others

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Deb

Expertise

communicating,relationships of any kind. One of the hardest things to do when you're communicating with someone is expressing yourself.Fret not I am here to give advice or and ask any questions, some people have a fear of expressing themselves at all. They're afraid to say something that might cost them a friendship. Or they bottle everything up tight and seize up at the mere thought of sharing their true emotions.Tips/advice/ 1.If you have a fear of people, people will avoid you. It's a vicious cycle. You avoid people because you fear that they will hurt you. People see your aloofness, and either think the worst (that you're stuck up), or grant your desire and leave you alone. Then you wonder why it is that no one likes you. 2.When you can't open up to people, people will feel that you are unapproachable. You'll have a hard time getting close to people when you bottle everything up inside. Your relationships will all be shallow. 3.Your inability to express yourself will haunt you in times of trouble. You'll need help, you'll want help, but you won't seek it. You'll hide. So, no one helps you. Then you grow resentful and angry. 4.Another danger is that of isolation. You build walls around your emotions and people instinctively leave you alone. That might be what you wanted at first, but your life will be barren, and empty. Life is relationships. The stronger your relationships the more joy you'll have in life. No matter if it is with your mate, God, children, neighbors, co-workers, friends, relatives, or even yourself, you must learn to express yourself.How to Express Yourself More Clearly and Completely Social anxiety,shyness,low self esteem/confidence,motivation,encouragement ,how to overcome fear,how to express self;how to observe people in conversation carefully,

Experience

Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology; Words have meaning to us. Subtle differences in each word will convey a slightly different idea. Huge and gigantic have subtle differences,our actions[body language/ Words have the power to give life and death...especially in relationships. So it is important that you learn to express yourself. You must learn to convey your thoughts, ideas, dreams, ambitions, hopes and emotions to those that you share a relationship with. Your inability to do so, will damage your relationships.For years I have enjoyed helping people when it comes to any kind of communication

Education/Credentials
Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology

Past/Present Clients
Friendship Church,Charlotte Senior Citizen Center,McCorey YMCA

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.