Expressing Yourself to Others/parents acceptance
Hi my name is Alex but I go by Ashley
I'm a goth transgender whose parents don't know about my transgender identity. I would like to tell them but I know 100% sure they will not accept me. My mom even gets on me for being goth, she keeps denying it. Mt dad is a religious nut that believes that lgbt community is that of evil. They will most likely kick me out and disown me. I have anxiety problems already and this doesn't help. I just want help dealing with this because my other solution is to never make contact with them again because of me transitioning to be female. Please help.
Now you feel like you can’t have the life you want as the person you want to be without your family collapsing. And that’s not fair or healthy. I think you may have reached a point where you have to let your family take responsibility for themselves while you attend to your needs. You have to look after your mental health, too.I felt you were being incredibly brave to ask for help and thoughtful to think about the impact this will have on your family.
you want to be accepted for who you are. And there isn’t a right or a wrong way of approaching this, but planning [how you’re going to talk to your parents] and thinking things through will make it easier.”what feels unmanageable is that you’re putting your feelings aside.”
I wonder if you know about genderedintelligence.co.uk Not only is there lots of information, it also offers support groups and groups where families can meet up.
You parents may have doubts, fears and even feel upset when you tell them. It may be worth rehearsing how you will do this. They will have a reaction, but I think it’s very important that you talk to them. Tell them how you feel, what you’d like to happen next. I think the more confident you can be, the more confident they will feel. Remember that although you’ve known about this for a while, for them, it’s all new. They may have some gauche questions.
u might ike this
Sit down and talk about it. Being open and direct is a tactic that can earn many points with relatives and friends. This gives them a chance to ask questions and, while you may not always have the answers, you can be honest about your desire to transition or identify as transgender.Be confident. Knowing that you identify as transgender and may need to take action in some way, shape, form, or fashion is a position that you need to be clear on. Speak clearly and firmly, but be responsive and flexible.
staytrew.hubpages.com › Gender and Relationships
write this or email to them
This is by far the most difficult letter I’ve ever had to write, because I’m going to share with you a truth about myself…a truth that I have tried to hide from you (and deny even to myself) for my whole life. I’m sorry that I didn’t have the trust in you over the years to open myself to you. It is a trust that I believe, as wonderful parents, you deserved. As a child I feared rejection…and as I grew older I feared hurting and disappointing you (and those around me who depend on me). Now, I realize that deep relationships must stand on truth. The hiding is over; I am placing my love and trust in you.
I’m sure by now you’re really wondering what this is all about…so here goes. For as far back into my childhood as I can remember, I have struggled with a secret that I tried so desperately to hide – the deep feeling within me that I should have been born a girl.
This was something that I knew would displease you; and, throughout my life, I tried so hard to make you proud of me. Without going into detail, there were many, many times during my childhood (when I was alone) that I would dress as, and imagine being, a girl. As a teenager and young adult, when I saw a beautiful girl, I would (along with all my friends) outwardly express how much I wanted to “be with” her, while inside I was secretly – desperately – wishing I could “be” her. Despite my best attempts to deny them, these feelings have followed me all my life – through my childhood, my adolescence, my military service, and both of my marriages. They have not waned as I have grown; in fact, the feelings have only become more nagging and urgent as the years have passed.
Throughout my life, the thought that someone would “find out about me,” scared me; and I worked very hard to keep my secret hidden. I wanted so desperately to have your approval and the acceptance of those around me that I became a master of hiding my secret and building a fa�ade of “maleness” around me. My career choice, my military service, my marriages, and my children – I did everything that I could do to reinforce to the world that I was a “guy.” I also distanced myself from the people who knew me best to minimize the likelihood that someone would discover my secret. Wherever possible within my life, I set up barriers to prevent myself from being able to act upon what I was feeling inside. To a degree, I was successful…but, like the feelings, the secret was always there.
When I was growing up, I thought I was the only person in the world in such a dilemma. It wasn’t until later in life that I learned that there are others like me. Since then, I have done a significant amount of research, spending many hundreds of hours reading medical and psychological material on the subject. Long ago, I learned that there is a name for my condition – Gender Identity Disorder (GID). It is characterized by a pervasive, life-long identity with the opposite gender. It is not homosexuality; it is not a fetish, nor transvestism (crossdressing), nor anything related to sex. It is not an issue of sex at all; it is a matter of personal gender identity – the sense of what (and who) one is.
As I have grown and learned more about myself and my condition, I have become more accepting of this part of myself. More than that, as time has marched on, I have begun to feel more and more compelled to adjust my life to relieve the emotional discomfort and depression that is caused by the tension between who I am…inside…and how I present myself to the rest of the world. Not wanting to disrupt my children’s lives with “my problem,” I decided long ago to forgo doing anything until they had grown and left our home. That was my plan; however, a few years ago, my third child was born. Understand that I love him very much – he is a wonderful blessing to our lives, but with his birth, I felt like my hope of someday dealing with my issues evaporated. The world closed in on me; and I became very depressed. On a few occasions, I had thoughts of suicide. I felt trapped…I still do.
Despite years of hiding, I had to do something – now. I had to finally face this part of myself – head on; and I had to find someone to discuss it – immediately. While searching on-line for answers, I stumbled upon someone’s on-line website – a transgendered girl living in Australia – whose biography read like my life, right down to being born a boy; being raised in the same hometown; serving in the Navy; divorcing and remarrying; and having children. Here was someone who I could relate to. Here was someone I could contact, anonymously over the web, with no fear of my secret “getting out.” I contacted her via an anonymous e-mail address and began an on-going “electronic dialog.” Over a number of weeks, I began to feel a little better (although no less scared) about who I am. I also began to realize that denial of my true self would continue to drive me deeper into depression. Like me, she had experienced the same stresses of self-denial and the same fears of discovery. Like me, her feelings had led her into deep depression and thoughts of suicide. At one point, she had even attempted to kill herself. I did not (and still do not) want to ever reach that point in my life. Thus, I resolved to stop living the lie and begin the process to change my life. I have begun planning my transition. Over all, the process itself will take several years to complete, but I can’t (and won’t) turn back.After reaching this conclusion, I decided that I needed to actually talk to someone about this. I needed to begin the process of moving forward. I decided that I needed to share my secret – verbally – with someone who knew me. That person would be someone who had known me for a long time, who I could call and talk to, and, yet, who was far enough away (and far enough removed from my life) that they could not adversely affect my life, my timetable, and my plans if my revelation was poorly received. I needed to talk to someone “safe” who knew “me.” Kori, my girlfriend from high school, fit the description. Over many years, we have kept in touch, mostly through occasional e-mails, acting as a sounding board for each other and, generally, being supportive of each other in times of personal difficulty. I selected her as my “safe” person.
I am absolutely certain that my gender identity is that of a female. I know this is a terrific shock to you, and I am sorry – very sorry – for the pain it must cause you. It is not something I have been able to face for over -- years. Now, I realize that it doesn’t “go away”…it’s who I am. I have to come to terms with it; I can no longer live within this perpetual pretension. In recent years, through my contacts with professional counselors and with others, I have finally realized that I did not choose to be this way, and that despite the stigma placed it by society, it is not something to be ashamed of.Be assured, this is not something whimsical. Obviously, there is a great gulf between the “me” that you (and the world) have always known and the “me” that I have lived with all my life and feel I must to be true to now. This journey isn’t easily trod or even lightly undertaken; but it is something I must do. Luckily there are many resources available to help me. I do not plan to rush into this, but gradually and methodically take the steps to transition my life. I’m sure that you will have a thousand questions; and, in time, I will try to answer them all.
Like I said, I’ve come to terms with it. I’m not shouting it from the rooftops, but I’m not ashamed either. I know it may take time, but I hope you will not be ashamed either. I have prepared resources for you when you are ready for them. I realize too, that it may be some time before you will be ready to discuss this with me, and that is OK. I understand. I have agonized a lifetime over telling you this. It was so hard to write, and I have held back for so long to spare you the pain I know you now feel. But, I want you to be a part of my life. I will hope that, together, we will find a place in our minds to understand and a place in our hearts to love and support one another.
I will wait to hear from you. Take your time; this is a lot to digest. If, in the end, you are not able to find acceptance in your heart, I will understand. Like I said, it’s taken more than -- years for me to reach this point; it would be completely unrealistic to expect you to be able to immediately embrace any of it. I hope you eventually can find acceptance in your heart. I love you both.
All my love,
i pray this helps,feel free to email me anytime,God bless u/peace be unto and upon u,feel free to rate me,be strong,feel free to change anything in letter,lt me know/ delete parts about marriage,navy,etc