Expressing Yourself to Others/My friend and the "creepy" guy
Deb I'm in a pickle. I know some things about the guy my friend is dating, and I know I need to tell her, I just don't know how to.
My close friend Katherine started dating Dan a week ago. The relationship has quickly escalated. She has issues where she doesn't want to be alone forever, and I thought that's what propelled this quicker. She can sit down and have a conversation with me about all the red flags with him, yet still doesn't let them slow her down from what they are doing.
Dan always happens to be in the area, though he lives quite a while out of town. Over a half hour drive. I have only been at her house once this past week, and somebody did follow me home from there. I took a lot of side roads and even looped some areas just to be sure. I can't say it's him, but if he's always in the area, it seems like a safe bet saying it was him. He shows up to drive her to work, drive her home, and he was coming to take her a few nights to his house after only being on two dates. These were all red flags for me, however, she's so happy that she's with someone that she's overlooking a lot of things.
Sidebar: Is it not odd when speaking of a relationship you barely talk about the other person? I don't know anything personal about him, only what happens on the dates. I didn't know anything beyond he had a name, is short, and has a job until I was told other things by other people.
Katherine and I sat down to talk a few nights ago. She had concerns about sleeping with him right away, but it was likely going to happen. It sounded like he was trying to make it happen (have a hot shower at my house, have an oil massage, etc...date 3!!). She was quite concerned about getting and STD/STI, but he was such a nice guy that she wasn't too worried with him. Please remember that part. She said she's not attracted to him, but he's so nice and puts extra effort into dates. Her dating past much have been horrendous, because the extra effort she mentioned, is what should happen on any date. It turns out he was also engaged to be married 6 months ago to a girl he dated for 5 years. She broke his heart, but through counseling, he was all better. 6 months is not a long time to recover from getting your heart ripped out. Then she said he's been on a lot of dates from the online dating website and told me some stories. Hold on. A lot of dates and he's only been single 6 months? I haven't had a great feeling about this guy from the start, but I had not met him, so I wasn't judging a stranger.
Yesterday brought with it an odd coincidence. While Katherine was over at Dan's house on a date, I was out with friends for a night on the town. I met some great new people, a few of whom began to talk about Dan. As soon as they knew that I knew who they were talking about, they got tight lipped. I had to promise that I would not mention anything about who they are (which leaves me with no proof of what they said), but they shared information with me because I was concerned about my friend.
Dan isn't a great guy. Dan puts on a good show. As they put it, Dan is "creepy" and they said he's probably been hanging around the area a lot. His fiance did break up with him, and apparently the word therapy means partying, sleeping with a large number of girls, and admitting to your friends that you haven't dealt with the breakup yet. They told me she might want to watch out if she sleeps with him. The very worst part of the conversation was when they told me I should tell her to run far, far away from that guy. Great. Just great.
Deb, I'm in over my head. The right thing to do is tell my friend, and I don't think she's going to be happy if she's overlooking things already. I actually think she's going to be more upset with me than him, despite him being the one lying to her. How do I tell someone this? I know questions are going to be asked to back this up, but I gave my word to these people that I wouldn't out them as my sources.
Thank you for any advice you can give. I can't sort this out in my head right now.
i would tell her the truth no matter the outcome,he is creepy and up to no good,i can just feel it in my gut from reading ur post,reasons the people blanked when they discovered u knew them,please intervene,feel free to email me back.right now she is needy, she pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.when replying here, not you when i say u but speaking of Katherine,she needs to run fast,std is no joke and the ex had good reasons for leaving this loser,u too should be careful,him following u is stalking,let someone in ur family or friends know in case the creepy dude follows u again and be careful.
Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character?e unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life.he moved in on her quickly cause he had spotted her out knowing she has low self esteem reasons he always in the area,red flag.she choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.
quick sex and spending over so fast;Physical involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.i would tell her cause his ex left him for good reason and std is in the midst with this character.[again when i say u,meaning her;You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.
To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?"
This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.
Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her? There's a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." she don't really know him reason she only spoke on about the dates;You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you?she pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.Neediness does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, ma loser will exacerbate them.she is a rebounder cause only 6 mnths,he's not over his ex.To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money
The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that's no basis for a relationship.he's baggage,drama and a loser and his past will find him out.feel free to email me anytime,good luck,i pray i have helped in some way,whatever u do,sit her down and talk sister to sister,friend to friend.