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Expressing Yourself to Others/How to express my feelings to a girl I like?


My name is Jason and I have problem taling to a girl I like. I can talk to her normally but I cant express how I truly feel. I have known her for over a year now and think she likes me. The problem is I dont know how to talk to her. The girl is kind of shy and quiet sometimes so it makes things harder. Also when I try to do nice things or buy her something she denies. All my friends tell me I should be confident and ask her. But im not sure how to express my feelings. I feel like I might fail because she is a little older. So I am wondering how should I ask her out or express my interest in her?

Hi, Jason,

Well, I'm sure your friends are wanting to encourage you, but there certainly is no way to magically become someone we're not.  I always think it's best to be exactly who I am, but to be open about it.  "I'm kind of shy, but I'd love to get a cup of coffee with you."  or something like that.  Nothing fancy.  And it is way too soon to express undying love!  so just take it easy and take step one.

Listen to her.  See if there's something she's interested in that you can say, "Hey, I'd love to know more about that."  or "That sounds so interesting - would you show me?"

But most importantly, if she isn't interested, just think of her like a puzzle piece who doesn't match your piece.  It's not a problem or anything wrong with either of you.  It's just that who you are at this point in your lives isn't working for some reason!

Take care,
Jan Harrell, PhD
Author, Love Again ~ Creating Relationships Without Blame

Expressing Yourself to Others

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Jan Harrell, PhD


I believe I can address any questions and concerns a person might have.


I have been a clinical psychologist for 32 years. I co-authored a book on relationships, Love Again ~ Creating Relationships Without Blame, with my husband of 40 years, who is also a psychologist. I have taught at UCLA and at Southern Oregon University. I was the psychology columnist for the magazine, Make You Happen! for 1 1/2 years.

First For Women Make You Happen!

I have a doctorate in Counseling Psychology from the University of Southern California.

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