Expressing Yourself to Others/Low confidence
I have a bad self esteem problem for which I blame my family. The day I wrote this message to you, I was considering breaking ties with my family. (My mother, to be more precise)
The thing is that I am a man of very low confidence, I'm an extremely timid person. Every-time I try to be confident, something bad always happens and destroys my efforts for good.
To sum up, I've made a list of things that I believe are responsible for lowering confidence and self esteem in me.
1. My uncle once said to me that I am the only son in my family and my father is rarely at home. I have lived my entire life with my mother and sisters, which means, women. That's why I lack boyish characteristics. I don't know anything about rough housing and things like that. That's why when I face other strangers, I shudder.
2. The same uncle also said to me that when I was young, your mother never used to let me get out of the house for fear of kidnapping. As she was pretty much a single mother, she became overprotective and kept me in the house with girls all the time.
3. Every person has a characteristic disposition. Some people are naturally bold and independent. Some are naturally shy, some are naturally aloof and naive. I have an innocent and naive disposition. I was always a "stupid" and quite baby.
4. Once my school head mistress told my mother that she should try to develop confidence in me by getting me to play with other people. When my elder sister heard about it, she used to torture me with words like, "You are such an embarrassment to me." or "I wish I never told my friends that you were my brother. You should be ashamed of yourself." And that was a deathblow to my self esteem. While my mother did nothing to stop her but just watched her like a deaf person. Soon my father, on his return, heard about it and angrily said that I should be sent to a mental institution and that I was better off being a girl.
5. When I was in 7th grade, the boys in my class used to tease me a lot. I don't actually remember ever eating any lunch in that class. But what I do remember is that once I DID buy lunch and it was snatched away by the class bully. I never bought any lunch later. My 7th grade was extremely difficult as the boys were aged between 12-14 and were going through those puberty mood swings. And I had to bear the brunt of it. On my birthday party, I remember being aggressively phoned for a fist fight when I ceased being friends with a boy who was a d""k to me.
After 7th grade, I ceased trying to develop confidence in me. But I somehow notice that every time I try to develop confidence, I get a serious setback. My cousin once said to me that you should develop confidence and courage yourself. But I don't know how?
In 7th grade I tried to be assertive but I only suffered more. For example, once, a boy once slapped me jokingly so I also slapped him back, jokingly with just a playful intention. He then got aggressive and started into a verbal fight which I lost, because I didn't want to fight. When I was leaving school for home, he abused me again and again and when I couldn't take it anymore, I challenged him to a fistfight which I won. Though, he backed off, he from a distance then shouted all types of profanities to me, like "son of a bitch" and "you're entire family is a bunch of motherfuckers" and "son of a washed up slut". But I lost all confidence and hope. I nearly cried that day.
I can actually right a lot more but I don't want to make my question longer. But I'll conclude by saying that I blame my weaknesses on my mother. Now I have so much hatred for my family and house that I proudly say that my house is a pile of pig semen. Not once, REPEATEDLY!
I'm sorry I'm being rather rude. I don't think I can get confidence but I just want to ask these 3 things.
1. Is there ANYWAY I can get confidence?
2. Is it my mother's fault?
More on next message.
ANSWER: never allow ur past to ruin your future,not even ur family,mom or friends. it's time to man up bro and move on,life is short and life is precious,live it! When you have low self confidence, your faith in your ability to meet whatever life presents you has been shaken. You may be stuck in self-pity and a sense of worthlessness. You may assume that other people are criticizing you even when theyíre not. From this negative place, you may believe that youíll never do anything right.
Low self confidence leads to many other lows: low energy level, low ambitions and lack of interest in pursuing anything. Because of this loss of enthusiasm for life, you donít have the motivation to try to do something about the way youíre feeling.Success rarely comes to a person who has lost faith in himself. Changing your destiny very often begins with changing yourself.
WHAT CAUSES LOW SELF CONFIDENCE?
If you have low self confidence, it may be natural to blame your parents. Early memories may include your parents not being there for you, not encouraging you, not praising you or more difficult memories of constant criticism. If your parents lacked self confidence or were very self-critical themselves, it may seem like they taught you this behavior.But parents alone, no matter how poor, donít cause the problem. Other factors come into play such as critical teachers or not fitting in with other children. Additionally, once you start to lose faith in yourself, you can develop a habit of interpreting every failure as evidence that you canít succeed, or to label yourself a failure.
A child who lacks self confidence usually grows into an adult who lacks self confidence. An adult who lacks self confidence often turns into a critical, angry or negative parent and the cycle continues.
Blaming your parents for where you have ended up is in no way helpful, however, and neither is blaming yourself for being imperfect in raising your children. Awareness is the first step toward change.
Loss of faith in yourself happens to everyone once in a while. Most people suffer from shaken self confidence occasionally or sporadically. A small setback such as under-performing at work or falling off your diet may lead temporarily to low self confidence. Self-doubt can creep in when you experience rejection, such as a sudden divorce or not getting a job you wanted. A situation like this may lead to a sort of slump that will pass with time.
if you find that you lack faith in yourself most of the time, you are standing in the way of your own success. You are being controlled by your own negativity. If you donít bring negative feelings under control, they may lead to serious physical and mental consequences.
If you suffer from low self confidence, what can you do to start to turn things around? The first step is to realize that you were not born with low self confidence, itís something you learned. Itís also important to realize that improvement will come with effort, but not instantly. Itís crucial to believe you can change.
Here are some suggestions for raising your confidence level.
Pretend you are confident.One of the quickest ways to start feeling confident is to dress sharply and look your best. By projecting the best image that you can, you very often will start to feel better about yourself. A new haircut or a new outfit can work wonders.
Celebrate your successes. If you are in a slump, you may have started to believe that you donít do anything right. Itís time to start noticing and celebrating your successes. That could be as small as sticking to your diet for one day or as large as dropping two dress sizes. Pay attention! You do something right every single day. Give yourself credit when you do.
Choose positive people. If your faith in yourself has faltered, the last thing you need is to be surrounded by people that criticize you or make you doubt yourself in any way. Friends that encourage and inspire you are friends that are in your corner. Likewise, people who call themselves your friends but constantly discourage you and tell you that you canít accomplish your goals may not be friends at all. Look for lifeís cheerleaders and move them squarely to your corner.
Become your own best friend. Most people would never say to other people the harsh, critical things they say to themselves. If you are one of these people, itís time to become your own best friend. Treat yourself as a person of value, a person that you love and respect. Tell yourself how wonderful, strong and capable you are. Embrace your successes and forgive yourself for your shortcomings.
Practice positive thinking. The key word here is ďpracticeĒ. If you have developed a habit of negativity, you will need to keep trying day by day to turn it around. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts whenever they creep in. Use affirmations to continually coach yourself into a better thought pattern.
feel free to follow up,i will help u build up ur esteem and confidence and how to handle situations,feel free to rate me! I pray i have helped,read Jeremiah 29;11 in the bible old testament,peacec be unto and upon you.Self confidence techniques can balance your fluctuating mood. Everybody has ups and downs in life.There are no exceptions for that.What is self confidence?
ē Belief, faith and trust in your abilities
ē Being certain about yourself. (Assertiveness if you like)
ē Energy that creates the power to think and act
ē The strength of your thoughts
ē Good feeling//Itís based on reality. Self confidence and self-esteem are related. The more confident you are the higher the level of your self-esteem. Self confidence techniques help you to better take care of yourself, to create a strong base for your self-esteem and to live in peace with your inner power to express yourself fully.MIND POWER. Use the potential of your mind power to change the direction of your thoughts.each day copy and paste and go here
God bless u,peace be unto and upon u forevermore,do feel free to follow up and or rate me if i have helped in any way
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hello again,
I don't mean to offend you. But I think you assume that I never tried to improve myself. If you remember the fight I mentioned above, I actually did try to be assertive by defending myself. But what did I get in return? Loads and loads of profanities. I'll give 2 more examples.
EXAMPLE NO.1: To develop courage and self confidence, I joined a military high school. For the sake of getting confidence, I left my comfortable home, school and friends for that tough prison. But all I suffered was homesickness and constant badgering from my peers. I remember a young kid once said to me, "I've seen that the boys here harass you a lot. Why don't you do anything about it?" But I replied that I'm helpless. I remember once being beaten with a shoe from a younger student of the academy.Due to the badgering, I used to get into hissy fits and cursed myself and my house (for being weak).
EXAMPLE NO.2: Once I was paying my grocery bill and while paying the bill, I found out that I did not have enough cash. So I reduced some items and he made the bill again. I had even less money so when I reduce more items, he angrily put all my items on the side of the table and nearly shouted at me to "go away I won't give you any thing". There were many people at the shop and I got embarrassed but I quietly left the place.Even when the person who's job was to put the items back to their places had no problem with it.
So after that I never went to that counter to make my bill. But once I was making my bill from another counter and he came to my counter and was about to make my bill but I pulled my items back and refused to let him make my bill. The second I did that, I was f*****g scared. I literally wanted to piss myself. He too got enraged and told me to drop my bags and get out but I told him that since "you had a problem with making my bill the last time, you shouldn't make it today" and I pointed to another cashier who was a nice guy and told him that he will make my bill you go make someone else's bill. Though I succeeded in letting the other person make my bill, the entire time I was making my bill, he was shouting at me for being rude and quarrelsome and told me never to come to this shop again or he would kick me out. All the people in the shop were staring at me but I couldn't even breath in fear and took his shit until my footsteps reached the door. And till now, I have never went to that shop.
You can in these two cases, that every time I try to develop confidence in me, I get f****d pretty bad. And when I don't try to develop confidence, people take it as a weakness and make them a target for their teasing. Now what should I do?
I'm such a coward that once, a little kid of 3/4 once called me a crude word that translates to "male prostitute" but I got scared and couldn't do anything about it. Even when he couldn't harm me in a fist fight.
I'm actually at level zero, in this case. Before my fight with the rude cashier, I thought I could do it but soon enough, I wanted to take poop.
People often say that what you believe, you become. But it has never been in my case. I have been in military high school for 2 years and I am used to tough physical work so by principle, I was supposed to trust myself. But not even military high school could do that. I've done pretty much everything to get myself on the track but I don't have any success under my belt.
To sum up, I think that some people CAN change and some people cannot. And for the people who can't, I'm an example.
Once, a cousin with whom I have good relations said to me, "I think you're problem is impossible to solve. Maybe if you try to develop courage slowly and gradually, you will suffer a series of setbacks, which can cause you to suffer from nervous breakdown later. If you can't even face a 3/4 year old boy(who swore at me above), then you're issues are pretty big. Now you should develop your OTHER good qualities and forget about getting courage."
I'm sure I'm making the question pretty long but I wanted to ask your opinion. My uncle once said to me that courage is a God gifted quality. It doesn't come otherwise. So what do you think about it?
Thanks, and if I'm wrong in any case, correct me.
Courage, also called fortitude, is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation. It can be divided into "physical courage" ó in face of physical pain, hardship, and threat of death ó and "moral courage" ó in the face of shame, scandal, and discouragement.
Courage is the capacity to meet the anxiety which arises as one achieves freedom. It is the willingness to differentiate, to move from the protecting realms of parental dependence to new levels of freedom and integration;Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality. ur uncle is wrong,Courage is just believing in God and trusting him with ur whole heart/And each man stands with his face in the light
Of his own drawn sword,
Ready to do what a hero can.www.whosoever.org/v10i5/courage.shtml