Expressing Yourself to Others/Dating someone who is guarded

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Hello,
  I have been seeing a wonderful man since December. Previously, he was in a six year relationship that ended horribly and left him broken hearted. I feel like he has made lots of progress in terms of being vulnerable. We are exclusive and call each other boyfriend/girlfriend. I've met his friends and after a few months, met his mother.  He is willing to move towards being emotionally open to me, but is still understandably guarded and wants to move slowly in regards to this part of the relationship. I am willing to give him this time and I have fallen in love with him (my first love). I really want to tell him I love him, but I worry that this will cause him to shut down, or that I will be rejected. Any advice?

Answer
It just means he wants to be more measured than you do. It's nothing bad. He just isn't ready to have 'what are we doing here' type conversations  . I would take him at face value and ask yourself, "If I say thing X, am I acting like I have somehow developed a love induced head injury?"It is obvious that you are in love, but if this guy says he wants to 'take it slow' it could mean two things:

1- he is hurting due to a previous relationship and needs more time;
2- he is just enjoying having sex with you and does not necessarily think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread.Maybe *you* should take it slow and see what happens instead of reading too much into something that is so recent...He said he likes you, so I think you can believe that he likes you. "Taking it slow" is not code for "I'm just not into you" in my mind. I take it more as "I really like you and want to take time getting to know you and doing this right so hopefully I can not screw things up and we can have a really amazing possible future together." It sounds like he's not equating "taking things slow" with sex, but more with the emotional aspect of things.

Taking it slow" means you're not in a Committed Relationship. I'm not suggesting that he's seeing, or thinking of seeing, anyone else, but that he's not ready to commit to being exclusive with a capital E, saying "I love you," moving in together, declaring "In A Relationship" on FB, etc. Sounds like you're in the honeymoon period, and it's all super awesome. Enjoy it, don't analyze it. :)No, it's not fair. Yes, it's old fashioned. In this context, 'taking it slow' means the interest he has in investing emotionally in you as a person, which is to say: not much. He may find you perfectly amiable but this is not a long term thing for him. I'm not at all trying to be rude here by referencing your past AskMes, but it's really important to take some time to not be in a relationship when you've very recently broken up with your HIS ex. My personal advice is [taking it slow is a good idea, so I think we should slow down the physical part."  

Expressing Yourself to Others

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communicating,relationships of any kind. One of the hardest things to do when you're communicating with someone is expressing yourself.Fret not I am here to give advice or and ask any questions, some people have a fear of expressing themselves at all. They're afraid to say something that might cost them a friendship. Or they bottle everything up tight and seize up at the mere thought of sharing their true emotions.Tips/advice/ 1.If you have a fear of people, people will avoid you. It's a vicious cycle. You avoid people because you fear that they will hurt you. People see your aloofness, and either think the worst (that you're stuck up), or grant your desire and leave you alone. Then you wonder why it is that no one likes you. 2.When you can't open up to people, people will feel that you are unapproachable. You'll have a hard time getting close to people when you bottle everything up inside. Your relationships will all be shallow. 3.Your inability to express yourself will haunt you in times of trouble. You'll need help, you'll want help, but you won't seek it. You'll hide. So, no one helps you. Then you grow resentful and angry. 4.Another danger is that of isolation. You build walls around your emotions and people instinctively leave you alone. That might be what you wanted at first, but your life will be barren, and empty. Life is relationships. The stronger your relationships the more joy you'll have in life. No matter if it is with your mate, God, children, neighbors, co-workers, friends, relatives, or even yourself, you must learn to express yourself.How to Express Yourself More Clearly and Completely Social anxiety,shyness,low self esteem/confidence,motivation,encouragement ,how to overcome fear,how to express self;how to observe people in conversation carefully,

Experience

Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology; Words have meaning to us. Subtle differences in each word will convey a slightly different idea. Huge and gigantic have subtle differences,our actions[body language/ Words have the power to give life and death...especially in relationships. So it is important that you learn to express yourself. You must learn to convey your thoughts, ideas, dreams, ambitions, hopes and emotions to those that you share a relationship with. Your inability to do so, will damage your relationships.For years I have enjoyed helping people when it comes to any kind of communication

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Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology

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Friendship Church,Charlotte Senior Citizen Center,McCorey YMCA

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