AboutJames Robinson Expertise I was a family law attorney for 25+ years. I have been divorced twice myself. One was friendly. The other wasn`t. Let me know how I can help.
Experience I have been divorced twice myself. One was friendly. The other wasn't. I was a family law attorney for 25+ years.
I've been trying to find out information on this subject but so far have had no luck. The father of my 9 month old baby and I were never married. He never wanted me to have the child and wanted me to have an abortion. My whole pregnancy he emotionally and mentally abused me about anything and everything you can think of. Many things happened, however, the root of everything was his hatred for me for not having an abortion.' My whole pregnancy I was demoralized and even thinking about it makes me upset. I never reached out to anyone because I didn't think anyone would do anything, since it isn't physical.
My ex was not in the babies life for the majority of the time so far - his choice. In the beginning of my childs life I did suffer horrible postpartum, partly due to how he would treat me. Besides the usual emotional abuse he would hold money over my head as if it weren't for his own child. Because of unpaid maternity leave and a bad car accident I was left completely broke, to which he told me he didnt care. When he did give me money it was 80 a week. The emotional abuse would get so bad, but if I ever responded or retaliated he would stop giving me money.
We came to an agreement a little over 2 months ago in court. Previously we had not gotten along since our breakup, but about a month or so passed with everything going great. We then had a small argument in which my ex returned to his same old nasty behavior. Amongst all the put downs he has for me - he brought up the abortion again for the first time in months. He is still talking about the abortion I chose not to have a year and a half ago, and it brings up horrible feelings from my pregnancy. He went over the line and told me to 'think about how my child was 15 minutes from never existing' (talking about a time when I had thought about having an abortion, but obviously did not). He brings my life down into a deep depression when he speaks to me this way, because I can feel what I felt then. I just want the chance to move on from this, and with him in my life how am I supposed to do so?
My lawyer won't listen to me about this issue and just wants more money. She won't let me go before a judge although I feel there may be little to lose (he doesn't want anything else besides 3 hours a week). She tells me to ignore him - she doesn't get the concept that this has been my life for going on 2 years now and I cant for my own sake and sanity put up with it anymore.
I have ended his visitations because I cannot live with the emotional abuse any longer. Even just seeing him is a horrible experience. Although he may not say something to me every time - the threat that he might if he doesnt like the slightest thing is overwhelming and makes me panic.
I know that this is probably not a defense, however is there anything I can do legally to keep him away from me? I know that a Judge will not agree with this but - I dont think he should be able to be in my childs life if he is talking about him not existing. There has to be something seriously wrong with him to be able to still want to have your child not exist, but to also fight for custody and say you love the child at the same time.
my idea is to bring in 3 different therapists letters stating what he has done to me. i can get a letter from my obgyn explaining what he put me through in the hospital (more emotional abuse). if needed, i could have countless friends testify as to how many times I called them devastated over the abuse. I know that they will not take away his rights, but is it more important to let him see the child for 3 hours a week, or to have a mother who is 100% able to care for the child without all this trauma for the remaining 165 hours?
the constitution states that i have the right to pursue happiness, but I do not feel that as long as I am forced into a parenting situation with him.
is there anything in the world i can do? i will most likely represent myself, since i have already paid 3500 in legal fees and now have no money. I am a single mom and it's more than I can afford with a brand new baby.
he will always have representation because his lawyer is a family member.
can I have a psych eval done? he seems crazy if he can have this logic. He already has supervised visitation because of drug use - but they didn't test him. can i get him teasted? if hes positive can I have him go into a program?
is there anything I can do to protect myself? can he have his rights taken away for emotional abuse? He has violated 3 parts of our agreement - 1. has not made all child support payments 2 - has not made any medical insurance payments 3 - broke the stipulation in which our lawyers stated that we cannot talk to eachother in any manner that is harassing, belittling ect.
I have broken one portion - visitation.
Thank you for any help you may give me. Even if you could point me in the right direction that would help. I can't be the only mom that has gone through this, can I?
Answer Dear New Mom
It is certainly far from certain what a judge would do if you brought up all of this as a reason to deny visitation. It sounds to me like both of you would be found in contempt if he has not paid support and you are not allowing visitation.
Courts are not intended to make people be nice to each other. When people want divorce lawyers and judges make their "ex" be nice, two things happen, (1) you go broke and (2) the Court gets pissed because their is not much they can do to make someone be nice and it feels like you are wasting its time. There is an old saying "You shouldn't try to make a pig sing. It makes you hoarse and it pisses off the pig."
You might just say to the father when ever he tries to make you miserable, "just grow up!" He is trying to bring you down to his immature level, and it appears that he is succeeding. It also sounds like you have two infants you have to deal with, your baby and the father.
