Family Law (Divorce, Family Relations)/Child Visitation
My Girlfriend has a child from a previous relationship. The father gets 2 days a week with his child, although it can be adjusted for Birthdays and xmas etc so that they can half the day with their child. This has all been agreed through the courts.
The childs 6th Birthday is coming up and it lands on mothers day aswell.
The father has now said that because it lands on his day, he will have her for the full day of her birthday, regardless of the fact that on previous birthdays that hasn't been on his day, the mother has always halved the day.
This is causing the mother a lot of upset and worry. The father has said that if she doesn't like it, take it to court but he knows that she cannot afford it, and he has plenty of money.
Surely if there has been an agreement in court of the visitation days and the father tries to change/bend the rules, would it cost the mother a lot of money to stop him?
I know it is his day to have her but, if it was agreed that they would half the days of xmas and bdays, this should always stand?
This is an issue in the UK (Scotland)
DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT AN ATTORNEY: I am someone with experience with Family law matters, and can give some directions of what I would do but these are my opinions: I strongly recommend that you get an ATTORNEY who specializes in family law in your immediate county/country.
I am a bit confused "The childs 6th Birthday is coming up and it lands on mothers day as well.
"d: " states it lands on MOTHERs DAY not FATHERs day.
Did you mean 'Father's Day'.
The key here David is flexibility in all cases when dealing with the 'best interest' of said child: As I read this, yes it be 'unfair' to Mom for this time not to be able to 'half' share on birthday BUT this will not hurt anything: Why not simply just tell the child PRIOR to leaving for Dad's that you will celebrate TWICE for his/her birthday! Once with Dad and once when you return to MOM. This way the child gets to spend quality time with both Mom and Dad during this special time: The child as he/she grows old will not remember 'time specific' rather if Mom and Dad do not get along and fight about it all the way to court: He/she will remember that so this would NOT be in the best interest of said child.
Many times the agreements are meant to be flexible because in all cases the bottom line is what is in the 'best interest of said child': In this case, it would be in the best interest if MOM and DAD simple agreed, and worked it out so as I stated the child gets to have fun twice!
Remember it is better to be 'kill with kindneess' then it is to be 'not to be kind' because in the long run 'kindness-working things out' leaves a positive impression on said child.
If you allow Dad this time, I am sure later on during the parenting process something might come up whereby Mom needs special time: Dad will be more than happy to oblige because of the kind unselfish act of allowing said child to stay with Dad this time.
David during my 18 years of parenting my children via SECONDARY not PRIMARY parent I can remember many many times that my ex and I worked issues like this out because it was in the best interest of the child: We made one solid agreement: We would not fight and would NOT return to court to settle any issues: We worked it out like a business relationship. One of the most memorable times was when my ex moved to England: Now in all legal rights she could of taken all three children with her, instead she approached me and asked me if our youngest son could come and live with me: She thought it better that he be around his father, and he wanted to live with me. I was surprised yet humbled that we had come that far to trust that we could work this out.
Now years later guess what our children praise us for David? Being so flexible and working together to PARENT them. So my recommendation is to work this out as I recommend and not to fuss over the small stuff, ok.
Hope this helps,