AboutNancy A Jenkins Expertise As a Licensed therapist and relationship expert I have worked with hundreds of couples using proven methods to find resolution to marital and parenting challenges. Questions that deal with addictions are an area that I have had a great deal of experience. I am not a medical doctor and therefore do not counsel people on medications.
Experience For fifteen years I have helped couples, and families work through issues of sexual abuse, communication breakdown, anger and frustration.
Organizations True North Counseling Services
American Counseling Association
Education/Credentials Licensed Professional Counselor
Certified in Prevention and relationship Enhancement programs as well as Parenting education.
Past/Present Clients Adults as well as adolescents
Expert: Nancy A Jenkins Date: 4/17/2008 Subject: Stepchild Blues
Question I’m not sure where to begin. My husband and I have been married almost 2 years now. We have 3 year old child together and he has full custody of his 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship. The day after we married she moved in with us and that’s where all the problems began. She has constant disruptive behavior at school including lying, stealing from peers and teachers, and often things such as watching children in the restroom. She is in therapy at this time but it doesn’t seem to be working at all. The constant actions have caused my marriage to almost fall apart if it already hasn’t and I’m just in denial. My husband is constantly telling her that it’s not her fault that she has this type of behavior and she needs to focus more and she will get better. One of the problems is that her biological mother is on drugs and has no want or need to see or deal with her in any way. My husband blames me for her actions because I am the other female figure in her life and he feels that I do not treat her or spend time with her as I should. I admit that spending one on one time with her is difficult for me because she is a constant battle in the behavior department. I have tried taking her with me to birthday parties or small gatherings but it just doesn’t work because of her behavior. Needless to say my husband is the one that does the disciplining because he feels that I would not be fair because she is not my child. I’m lost and don’t know what to do. My husband is an awesome guy and a great father but I need help.
Answer Mrs Fed Up
The struggles you are experiencing are normal when working with yours mine and ours family members. Every one needs to feel like they now belong to the new family. Have you tried family counseling with all of you going in together to work through family rules, love, and harmony issues? If you do not think the counselor she is working with is helpful, why not seek out another qualified family cousnelor so that all of you can go and speak your mind and work through the issues. It sounds like finding a good mediator would be the best advice I can give you at this time. good luck, go online and see what mediators or family counselors you can find in your area. Do not allow a six year old to destroy your love for your wonderful husband, and do not blame her for all the problems either. Take control of your life and think pro actively with out reacting to the situation. Nancy
