AboutNancy A Jenkins Expertise As a Licensed therapist and relationship expert I have worked with hundreds of couples using proven methods to find resolution to marital and parenting challenges. Questions that deal with addictions are an area that I have had a great deal of experience. I am not a medical doctor and therefore do not counsel people on medications.
Experience For fifteen years I have helped couples, and families work through issues of sexual abuse, communication breakdown, anger and frustration.
Organizations True North Counseling Services
American Counseling Association
Education/Credentials Licensed Professional Counselor
Certified in Prevention and relationship Enhancement programs as well as Parenting education.
Past/Present Clients Adults as well as adolescents
Expert: Nancy A Jenkins Date: 4/12/2008 Subject: cheating/relationship
Question Hello
Lately over the past month my husband and I seem to be very distant.
We have been married for 4 yrs and have been together for 8 yrs.
He had 2 kids from his previous marriage and the are 13-boy, 17-the girl.
They both live with us and it has been HELL dealing with her since we have been married. All we do is fight about HER- her clothes are too tight, her job, her grades, her bank account , how she needs to be responsible. Since he does not like what I have to say no matter how I say it I stopped.This last month I threw my hands up and have not said a word.
I am in the mortgage industry and things are REALLY rough!
I talk about work since that is all I have and he says I complain, I call his cell phone and there is always a excuse about why I can't reach him. He spends his time either working, or with the kids, he is always busy.
I AM SO ALONE. When we are at home he and the kids are downstairs and and I am upstairs. He makes a point of trying to isolate me- he knows what he is doing.
We hardly ever have sex and he USE to look at pornography. So I don't feel exactly attractive.
His daughter is a manipulator and when I talk to her he gets mad . When I talk to him he gets mad and says I am complaining.
Help!!!
TFLORENCE
Answer TFlorence, I am sorry for your pain and loneliness. You appear to be ready to do something about it. It will only get worse if you do nothing different. The key word is different. They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You married this guy knowing he had baggage as you have baggage. Remember why you married him and seek counseling face to face. I live in Utah and would be happy to see you, but if this does not work, go to a counselor as these problems are deep and a counselor could help. I can think of no magical cures or words that may help other than do something different do not suffer in silence. This will not help make it better. Be willing to fight for your marriage. Be willing to talk to him about the challenges without attacking him-- for example, say I am feeling lonely and I want to figure out what we can do to make this work. If he is willing then set up an appt with a counselor as soon as possible. The silence is eroding your marriage, the indfference is eroding the love in your marriage. Be courageous and do seek counseling. If he wont go then you go and find answers for what you can do to help your self. Your happiness is up to you not him so, Do what is in your best interest. Good luck Nancy
