Working through the My Way to OUR WAY method, I offer engaged & married couples help with issues regarding love, conflict resolution, anger management, blended families (married with children), parental issues and sibling rivalry.
When in conflict, you might wonder:
Why does he/she DO THAT?!
I just understand him/her.
I can't get them to consistently start/stop!
Why is he/she so upset?
I'm in a lose-lose situation.
If you're stuck, it's because you THINK you have run out of opportunities. I can help you find more!!
Experience
Experience:
Highly experienced in the area of conflict, I believe that families can take full responsibility for solving their own problems, without the need for a long-term third party. I lead an association of counselors who I train so that they can train families on this method (within 5 sessions) and this has made a major difference for many families!
Education/Credentials:
Registered Counselor #RC00059845
M.S. in Management & B.A. in Communications
Formal Education in: Learning, Mediation and Coaching
Expert: Jessie Upp Date: 5/24/2008 Subject: Future In-Law Problems
Question My Fiance and I recently got engaged (one month ago) and we have ran into one road block after another. Within a week of getting engaged, we had planned our dream wedding and were ready to go. Three weeks later, his family threw a wrench in the whole operation. His family claimed that they were "too shocked" by the whole thing to be supportive (emotionally and financially). Keep in mind, we had been close friends for 2 years previous to dating and have been together exclusively for over a year. They have demanded that we wait a year. Fine, but we had already signed a housing contract to live together starting the month before the wedding. His family is now requesting that we have separate homes and eat the deposit, or when they visit, I have to get a hotel room (on my own bill) so as not to upset their conservative ways.
Since the days we got engaged his family has placed one demand after another on us. For the second time since I have known my fiance, I have seen him cry. His parents wrote a guilt trip e-mail to him and it broke him and made him an emotional wreck.
Yesterday they demanded that the wedding be held in their hometown so that their family and friends do not have to travel.
At this point, neither me or my fiance have any plans to ever plan a wedding again. Getting engaged has been a nightmare. We have considered eloping, but that would just punish my family. What should we do? Do you know if any marriage counselors in the Tulsa or Oklahoma City area?
Answer Dear Lindsey,
It’s refreshing to hear someone not wanting to quickly react to a family situation and “punish” those around them. Thank you for being that someone.
It would be a relief if you could experience your engagement with ease! The good news is there are many other couples who have experienced the same situation and managed to make it work. They have in-laws that have their own ideas of what that wedding or marriage should look like. Instead of supporting the organic ways the couple comes together, they attempt to enforce their views on their children.
Really, they just want to have the best for their son.
There’s a delicate balance between wanting to please your parents and living your own life. A marriage is not just about the couple, but the community in which will support the marriage. This includes the parents. The question is: what do you do when the parents aren’t being supportive?
I can give you many different options to deal with the situation, but that’s not what I’m up to. I’d like you to be able to take care of this situation yourself so that you could actually use the same tool for any event that comes your way in the future.
Going to a counselor is great for reflection and they might find out why your fiancé reacts the way that he does in the face of his parent’s disapproval.
I’m also assuming you want everyone to get along so that you can have a celebratory wedding and experience the marriage you so desire.
Please let me know if my assumption is correct, and I can give you a couple suggestions for getting that tool?
