AboutDavid Simonsen Expertise I am a licensed Marriage & Family therapist. I work primarily with teens and families on a weekly basis. You will get the straight truth. I will not pull punches.
Experience I have been working daily with teens and families for the last 6 years.
Organizations AAMFT; AACC; WAMFT
Education/Credentials M.S. in Marriage & Family Therapy
Expert: David Simonsen Date: 6/23/2008 Subject: Issues with children
Question My wife and I are at odds sometimes when it comes to my son. I call him "my son" because he is from my previous marriage. My ex and I converse about days and times that come up that are not outlined in our PP. For example, I have my son every tues. from 3-8pm. but during the summer break she plans on going on vacation for a week and he will not be able to be there that tues. which is understandable. He cannot be two places at once. We discussed this and because I did not talk to my wife about it and get her opinion about it and do what she wants, she feels like my ex runs our household and does whatever she wants. My wife wants to call the shots when it comes to my son. I feel that I can handle the issues that come up. Don't get me wrong I often talk to her about situations that may come up but she expects me to run every little thing by her to get her "stamp of approval" you might say. Is there any way I can balance it to where I can make a decision myself and not get chewed out if I do? She says "I have no control over what goes on in my house" and "your ex calls the shots here". Me and my ex talk it over. IT's not like I automatically do what she says and if it is something major I tell her I'll have to get back to you on that and I talk it over with my wife and we come to a decision. Any suggestions?
Answer Adam,
I imagine that your wife is feeling a bit insecure. She probably compares herself to your ex. Her only place of security is with you in her home. When she gets a feeling that her home is becoming insecure she starts to get irritable. I would suggest you sit with a competent therapist and get this issue addressed. If not things will not change. I would also suggest you don't have a child with her until this issue gets resolved. With a child she may then get to the point where she doesn't want your son over at all for whatever reason. Bottomline, I think she is feeling insecure and you need to help correct that.
David
www.help4life.net
