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Expert: Mr. Sharma Date: 6/10/2008 Subject: My Nephew Has Bad Parents
Question My brother and I have never been close. In my eyes he never grew up, always blamed everyone for his mistakes and constantly had my mother stressed over his bad decisions. It got worse when he had a kid for a girl he cared less for and denied the child for the first few months. From my experiences, the mother is just as confused, screwed up and vindictive as he is. The hate each other and are always fighting. The mother finally moved away with my nephew, and the fighting just kept to the phones or he few odd moments she allows my brother to come visit.
My nephew is now three and visits me when every few months. I love him alot and feel responsible to provide a loving atmosphere for him. His mom says things are bad financially and she needs time to recover since the move. I volunteered to have him for a few months. Its going to cost my husband and I alot to have him in daycare, but I see it as worthwhile. While all the planning is going on, my brother and his son's mother are in the midst of more fighting. I get calls constantly from both and it stresses the heck out of me. Sometimes I just dont want to be involved and think my only way out is to forget my relationship with my nephew. I dont know why but I take their issues very seriously to the point where I cry. It's taking a toll on me, my dad and mom. We wish they would both grow up and care for my nephew without any fights, but its been 3yrs. The fights are mostly about money.
I'm starting to have cold feet about the next few months. I don't want the stress to be here constantly, with calls back and forth. But then I feel like I'm being selfish and I should just deal with their nonesense and make sure my nephew is happy here with us. I want the best for him but I can't take the stress. What do you think??
Answer Dear Sarah, your intentions are right to help, and it's good to help if it makes you happy. But while resolving their issues you need not get involve. send them to a counsellor and a counsellor fixem up in 2-3 sessions if they are willing to work. you take care of the nephew in the mean time. make sure they know this that you are keeping him so they can sort their life rather you are giving them free time so they can enjoy, as usually immature people take it the other way around too.
good luck
sharma http://www.transformlifestyle.com
