AboutDavid Simonsen Expertise I am a licensed Marriage & Family therapist. I work primarily with teens and families on a weekly basis. You will get the straight truth. I will not pull punches.
Experience I have been working daily with teens and families for the last 6 years.
Organizations AAMFT; AACC; WAMFT
Education/Credentials M.S. in Marriage & Family Therapy
Expert: David Simonsen Date: 6/25/2008 Subject: sisters shadow or jealousy
Question Good afternoon. I am 43 years old. I have 2 older sisters. Oldest is 45, middle is 44 and I am 43 as I said. We had a great childhood. But as we got older I found myself always trying to prove to my parents that I am better or as good as them. We continue to still do that.
Our parents love us all very very much equally. But thats what I tell myself.
Back in March my father went in to the hospital to have bypass surgery. My middle sister always has a way to take things over and make it seem that she is loved more or does more than me and my oldest sister.
She lives in a huge house .. lots of money.. married to a wonderful man...2 kids... boat, camper, jewelry. Pretty much the american dream. And its flaunted in our faces. Dont get me wrong, i love her to death, just sick of it.
We flew to FLA to be with our dad. I could only take a week off, but she said HER boss understands and stayed for 3wks. I have to mention she was there in December visiting. SO when we drove to my parents house to stay while dad was in the hospital, I found HER kids pictures all over her house. It was nauseting. My oldest sister has 2 kids. Only 1 pic of them was shown. I found that bizare. I have NO kids. I had cancer in my uterus and ended up having a full hysterectomy. So I will never be able to have kids. I was married less than 2 yrs ago, so at best they have 1 wedding picture up. But the middle sister put a small picture of her kids in the corner of that frame!! Can you believe that ?
I got so mad because I saw all those pics of her kids everywhere. My mother is always running to her house and calling her, not me or my other sister so I constantly feel like I am not worthy.... SO am I jealous or just mad at her for over doing it a bit?
My dad passed away June 8th. Very devasting to all of us.
We had a reception and then another gathering at her house afterwards. They all went ga ga over her eulogy and not mine. They went ga ga over beautiful house. And my oldest sister became a foster parent to an infant. So all the attn was focused on this huge house and the little baby....
I got so mad at myself. I was feeling worthless. That I never did anything to make my dad proud. I dont have a house. I rent. I dont have any kids..except for a step kid that hates me. My sisters have it all.
How can I get from behind my sister's shadows? Am I that weak?
Answer Juli,
As long as YOU continue to compare yourself to them you will never get out of their shadow. YOU need to be the one that does things differently and spend your energy on making your life the best it can be. If you focus your energy on what they have and what you don't have you will obviously continue to be unhappy. Be happy for them that they have good things, if you continue to hate them for their good things it only keeps you negative. Easier said than done I am sure, but I think it is key in helping you move forward out of the shadows.
David
www.help4life.net
