AboutRebecca Falck Expertise I have worked for 28 years for the Department of Social Services and a non profit community action agency working with low income families and assisting them in becoming self reliant. I have work with eligibility for entitlement programs (welfare, food assistance, medicaid), state/federal work programs, goal setting, domestic violence, child abuse, and other barriers that families have which prevent them from becomeing self sufficient. I can answer general questions that a person/family may have.
Experience 26 years of experience in working with a state department of social service agency and a non profit agency that provides in home counseling.
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Arts Degree in Home Economics
Family Development Certification from Iowa State University
Financial Counseling Certification from Iowa State University
Expert: Rebecca Falck Date: 7/14/2008 Subject: Family and school
Question Hello Rebecca, I just read a response you gave to a young mother 2/2/2006 "Going back to school" and it gave me the idea to contact you. I am 55, married and we have one 15 year old son. I am American, living in France for the past 17+ years, with a French husband. After years of "trying" to get back to work, which in France is no easy task even for qualified people, or get the necessary training, I have started (2 wks ago)a 10-month long course in business (import/export)which is being given to me through an association for adult training. If I succeed, I will have a diploma, which in France, is a necessity. I am dependant on my husband and we live in everyday contact with his parents and brother, who work together in their restaurant. They are hard workers, and I am considered the slacker in the family, apart from his brother who chooses not to work but is supported by the family. This is not the glamorous life in France that people daydream about, but it's my reality. As you said in the letter I referred to, we don't know what the future will bring, but I do feel this may very well be my last chance at attempting financial independance and the possibility to get on with a stable working life. I used to be fairly bright and adventurous and I always loved whatever work I took on (flight attendant 9 yrs, secretarial and assistant work for over 10 years), but I've let the last 15 years get out of hand and have since worked myself into a corner of disregard from my husband and son. Getting accepted into this french school is very important to me because without it I caqn't obtain the training and the diploma necessary to getting work in this country. I'm having a very difficult time trying to get organized with it, as well as working exclusively in the French language. I have learning difficulties related to dyslexia and attention deficit that have been very pronounced these past few weeks. I am trying to go at it in small steps, but I am already behind in my work by more than a week. My personal priority is this schooling, but the everyday weight of life takes over regularly. I don't have the means to hire someone to help with the house and errands. I'm helping my son to figure out his own transport and how to begin to be independant. I am arguing often with my husband who doesn't see why I need to go to school at my age. My basic reasons are to earn money so as to take part in financial decisions and to have financial security. I also love working as an integrated part of my life. There you have a bit of background to explain my circumstances. I am having such a difficult time trying to buckle down with these studies, which are one day in the classroom with the teacher (we are 10 students, altogether) and another 28 hours of working at home on the computer with distance learning. It is a hard study course for me, but it seems do-able. But I am having such a hard time getting organized at home. I am so out of touch with studying, my French is not top notch but I test at a level of an average French speaker, and I am daunted by not being able to assimilate instructions. I'm trying to keep a low profile, but my working so slowly is apparent. I've made an appointment to meet with the school psychologist who work with student difficulties, but I am trying not to "lean" on my learning difficulties. I have given up on just about everything I've ever taken on in my life, and that has to stop because I'm running out of options. I want this diploma and this training. I want to work in this field and I will be capable and good at it once I get past this learning curve. But I am beginning to feel the dread of just maybe not succeeding. It's as though I have writer's block and I'm running into a deadline. Deadlines are anathema to me - rather than inciting me to work quicker and efficiently, they loom ahead like a high wall. FYI I'm not a particularly nevrotic woman, but I really can't see my way through this at this point. Have you any advice for this situation? It will be appreciated and given due consideration! Thank you,
Deborah B.
Answer Dear Deborah;
Thank you for writing. Personally, I already see you as a success! What a challenge it must be to live on a day-to-day basis in a different country and trying to communicate! You have my seal of approval!!!
I can sense that you sincerely want this for yourself. My suggestion would be to step back and see where your barriers are and how you can move past them. Never give up on a dream! You may not succeed as you envision it but as long as you try and do the best you can, that is all that can be expected.
Your family - you have as much right as everyone else in the family to work toward your own personal goals. Your husband and your son need to "step up" and help out with daily chores. There is no such thing as "womens work". It is now "everyones work" and it takes everyone together to keep a family running.
I am assuming by your comments of letting your life with your family "get out of hand" means that you are being belittled? Talked down to? Verbally abused? All of these expressions can summarize verbal, emotional or mental abuse. Abuse is never ok and should never be accepted. No one has the right to abuse another person. Remember the movie "Love Story" - love means never having to say you are sorry - no one should have to apologize for comments they make to them. If they offer to apologize, they may sincerely regret their comments and if they offer no apology, then you need to decide whether it is worth living with this type of situation or not.
I truly admire your courage and determination to reach for your dreams. Believe and you will achieve!! Break down what your barriers are and make a plan to tackle them. What are you in control over and what can you not control? You may not want to but you probably should discuss your learning disability with the instructor. He/She might be willing to work with you as to what works best for you.
Never let someone control your life and crush your dreams. You sound like a strong woman who can be as successful as she chooses to be! My best wishes on all your future endeavors!
