About Rebecca Falck Expertise I have worked for 30 years with low income families and assisting them in becoming self reliant. I have work with eligibility for entitlement programs (welfare, food assistance, medicaid), state/federal work programs, goal setting, domestic violence, child abuse, and other barriers that families have which prevent them from becomeing self sufficient. I can answer general questions that a person/family may have. Please note that I am not an attorney and cannot give legal advice. State laws may vary based on your question, so please consult an attorney in your state of residence.
Experience 30 years of experience in working with a state department of social service agency and a non profit agency.
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Arts Degree in Home Economics
Family Development Certification from Iowa State University
Financial Counseling Certification from Iowa State University
Parent Education Certification from Iowa State University
Question Hi there , my name is Natalie I grow up without a mother , I ma from an Africa back ground where you are brought to see that you owe your life to your parents , when you grow up you have to look after them.I grow up with my dad , who just past away???I have been close to him allot because he raised me since I was six month .My parents never got married or stay together I know my mother since the age off 15 years , really , we don't get on very well I hated her so much before , she did promised me things in my ealier tenage life and she never delivered.I have forgiven her for that.Now I support her financialy , as its an obligation in african context ,, we are six children from her , the other she raised , me and my other sister she didnot , I can see she my litle sister they are close since she raise her , thats doesnot bother muched , what difficult for me to understand is that , how can you give birth to all children off your then you care for some and dont care for some .i donot trust her at all with any aspect off my life , she says something and she donot mean it .I want to block her out off my life without feeling guilty that I have to be responsible for her .
Please help me
Answer Dear Natalie;
Thank you for writing. First, I think the main issue here for you is your African culture. It is my understanding that children care for the adults when they grow older. I am not sure from your letter as to how much care you are expected to provide. Is your mother ill? Is she disabled? If no, I am not sure how indebted to your mother your are.
From my prospective, you are entitled to your own life. Many people have issues in regard to their parents. One of the things we have to remember is that we cannot choose our parents and we also cannot take on a responsibility that we are not prepared to take on. If your mother requires a lot of care, I would suggest seeking assistance from a local home health care. If she has no medical issues, I would suggest getting her involved with some local groups. I'm not sure how long she has been in this country but she might be able to find others who have immigrated to the United States.
Basically, you have some issues where she is concerned. If your siblings are willing to fulfill the care requirement for your mother, you can support them in their efforts. I would suggest you seeking some assistance to help you find your comfort levels with your mother. Children, regardless of age, usually find themselves as caregivers for parents as they both age. Don't feel that you are obligated to devote your life to helping your mother. You helped your father and I would think that would meet your expectations of caring for a parent.
There isn't a truly easy answer to this problem but I would think as long as there are issues between the two of you, it would be better if your other siblings provided the care for your mother. Be a support for them and you will have fulfilled your obligation based on your culture.
