Family Relations/mother and wife

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Question
Dear sir
i read your article and felt that you can certainly help me.
my mother is a widow and is of dominating nature since the time i was a teenager.
my mother used to put many restrictions on me and after marriage she continued on my wife. I would like to quote an instance here.
during the menstrual cycle of my wife my mother forbade her to enter in to the kitchen and in her room. however earlier i have never seen my mother doing such things with my elder sisters before their marriage. my wife says when your mother has such behavior with me then how can i feel her like my mother.
moreover many other restrictions were placed on both of us like
where are you going, what is the use of going there, why are you going by car if only two of you have to go. you are wasting money on petrol, why your wife keeps her cupboard locked, why are you cooking this why not that, why your wife gives gifts to her mother, father or brother etc.. when i try to say any thing to my mother she starts weeping and say i dont want to live with you.
arrange another house for me
please help me what should i do because when i say something to my mother she says " you will never look at your wife's fault. you try to find out faults in me only. when i try to say anything to my wife says cant you see what is right and what is wrong. say me when i am wrong and at least you can face your mother when she is wrong.please help me urgently as i am feeling very depressed. even sometimes i feel that due to all these situations and depression i am loosing my recalling powers.please help me please

Answer
Hi,
Do you have any one in your close relationship or family friend circle who also have good rapport with your mother? If you have, then approach that person and take him/her in confidence. Tell him/her your agony and ask for a favour by counselling your mother properly by showing her the wrongs that she is doing towards you and your wife. How by such attitude, even she is not in peace. How is this draining you out and putting an unbearable stress upon you thus affecting your mental capabilities such as your loosing recalling power. It is necessary to make your mother aware that how her attitude is ruining you. Once she would understand this, only then she will be able to mend her ways.
If you do not find any such person near you try yourself to say these things to your mother. No doubt, you will need a lot of patience and should be quite diplomatic too while conversing with your mother. Remember, your wife should be in total self control during such period. Your mother is not going to change overnight. Even a minor fault from your wife would be fatal to all your trials. It will give your mother's dominating attitude a new fodder.

If, even after trying everything to make her understand she does not mend her ways, then there would not be any other option than to give her an option of parting ways with you. When she say you that arrange a separate house for her, tell her OK you will do so as you need to live peacefully. Initially, there should be a sort of warning to her so that she can find some time to mend her ways.

God Blessings!

Regards
Shashank Shekhar
http://www.liveperson.com/shashank-shekhar

Family Relations

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Shashank Shekhar Pandey

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