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Family Relations/Losing weight to be accepted by my family


My family and I have a problem and it's traumatizing me. Everyone in this family from the oldest of the generation that's still alive to the youngest ones and everyone in between are obsessive about appearance. Since my high school years I've gain about 25 pounds of weight and they have been relentless about telling me.  
Every time my grandmother sees me she try's to give me excises tips, I wake up in the morning to eat food and my mother is telling me "Didn't you already eat?! That's why your getting so big." My step father is showing me pictures one day of me when I was a teenager saying I was so pretty back then, I lost it and told him that I could say the same for you with his big balloon gut and crooked teeth.

My sister is saying that when I was a teenager I looked like my mother and she's considered good looking but what the hell does that mean I look like NOW?! Since my graduating college I lost 9 pounds(I'm now 149 pounds and 5'1) but no one seems to notice, or see that much. I'm frustrated because any attempt right now to lose weight would be just to please them which disappoints my fiancee who thinks I'm just fine the way I am. All my friends think I'm not so big either and when I complain about my weight to my co-workers they say but your so small!!! (mother says they only think that because either there bigger or they didn't know me when I was younger)

I've gain weight in my face,boobs,ass,arms,and a very little on my stomach I don't have rolls of fat and when my sister saw me in a bikini she then said the weight wasn't as bad as she thought.

I fit all of my high school clothes because it's the only thing I have to wear clothes are expensive :( Also I've notice that my family does this to all the women when they've gain weight they tell them. When my older sister came back from living in Georgia the first thing everyone said was how she gained weight and I didn't really notice it until they brought it up. I'm just so much more sensitive than she is...

My question is what the heck do I do? If I lose weight I'll be conforming to them disappointing my fiancee, but their my family I can't stop caring what they think about me even if they may be a little ignorant.(My mother says the only reason my fiancee is okay with my weight is because his mother is fat, and his trying to make me like her even thought we got together when I was smaller) And the only other option I see is to move out but, I don't have the funds to do that now. But it's not like me losing weight isn't going to benfit me...PLEASE HELP!!!

It does seem a bit shallow that your family is so fixated on weight. I would suggest you steer clear of that same fixation. It tends to cause problems in relationships when that is the focus. I think you need to ignore your mother and live your life. You hopefully know what is the right weight for you and if she doesn't like it, then that is on her not you. If you listen to her shallow comments you will continue to be stuck with her limited thinking. I think you should live your life and ignore your family's comments. If you don't you will become like them.

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Dr. David Simonsen


I am a licensed Marriage & Family therapist with a Ph.D. in Psychology. I work primarily with teens and families on a weekly basis. You will get the straight truth. I will not pull punches.


I have been working daily with teens and families for the last 10 years.


M.S. in Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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