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Family Relations/Teen doesn't want to spend time with me, I'm in process of divoring

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Question
I had not seen my son for 24 days and after going to court, as a result of a protection order, the court set visitation from Noon on Saturday to 6:00 pm.  

I picked him up today as scheduled.  I asked him why he hasn't called me in the past 3 weeks, I bought him a phone for that very reason, and he said the phone was dead.  I know he could have used his mother's phone but didn't.  We went bowling and afterwards I wanted to go to my mother's to pick up some papers for him to give his mother.  He said he was tired and wanted to go home.  It was 2:00 o'clock.  I was so hurt I took him home and began crying, I'm so depressed I don't know what to do.  I just want to give up and let him call me when he wants to see me but my mother disagrees. When I was at home we were very close.  He always came to me for almost everything.

For many years now my wife and I have been involved in domestic violence - my wife has hit me on several occasions.  She is a very angry person.  There is so much more which I'm sure you are aware.  

However, I do need some help.  PLEASE ADVISE

If you can help I would appreciate it.  Thank you.

Answer
Frank,
If you wife is abusive as you say then why would the court allow your son to be living with her. That doesn't make sense. Obviously your son is upset. It is not his responsibility to track you down to see you. It is yours. So I put the not seeing him for 24 days squarely on your shoulders. He probably is depressed and doesn't know what to do with his depression. I would suggest that you make attempts to connect with him despite what seems his unwillingness to do so. Again, if abuse was reported to the police then I am very surprised that the court is allowing him to stay with his mother. Perhaps she is abusing him?
David
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Dr. David Simonsen

Expertise

I am a licensed Marriage & Family therapist with a Ph.D. in Psychology. I work primarily with teens and families on a weekly basis. You will get the straight truth. I will not pull punches.

Experience

I have been working daily with teens and families for the last 10 years.

Organizations
AAMFT; AACC; WAMFT

Education/Credentials
M.S. in Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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