Family Relations/Raised by grandparents


Ill explain the situation first before I ask my question. I was raised by my mother's parents because she was going through various issues since my birth. Ever since I could speak my mom was still a part of my life. Well they never got along. My grandmother would constantly badmouth my mother to me almost to make me hate her like she did. She constantly compared me to her my whole life. And anytime when my mother would do or buy nice things for me shed trash it and make foul comments about it. What really really bothers me though is that my whole life she'd buy me nice things. But then shed expect things in return and if I didnt do it right away or how she liked it shed hold those nice things over my head even though I never asked for them. For instance im getting married and she decided to pay for it. I told everyone I would wait until we could pay for it. I never once asked her for any of it butj always said thank you. Then the other night she argued with me because I didnt do somethin for her when she wanted it done since I had just unpacked from travelling. She instantly said well then ill pay for the wedding when I feel like it. My question is, is it wrong for me to not want her in my life anymore? She may be family but I cant say that ive disliked someone as much as I do her for how she treated me my whole life.

It is not wrong to have her not be in your life. I think if you are going to do that, you need to be sure about it and then you also need to give her information about why you are making this decision. What you describe is conditional love based on things. I have no doubt this is what she did to your bio-mom and probably some of the reason your bio-mom had issues. If you simply stop contact and don't explain why then this creates more drama.


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Dr. David Simonsen


I am a licensed Marriage & Family therapist with a Ph.D. in Psychology. I work primarily with teens and families on a weekly basis. You will get the straight truth. I will not pull punches.


I have been working daily with teens and families for the last 10 years.


M.S. in Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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