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Question
my question is how to relate to and deal with my family with the following issues below, do you have any suggestions on that sir?


Hello, I'll give you a brief history. Since my grandmother passed who was like the glue to the family all hell has kind of broke loose in my family. I have been accused (unjustly) of hiding insurance policies, to setting the family house on fire (unjustly again)none of these things i do or have done. Now to my family i appear well off because i work hard, pay off my debts, i dont have any kids, and now im engaged. Which is something alot of my immediate family hasnt experienced. And i am ALWAYS there for them whether its financial, an event, holiday, time to help move u name it. and i never treat my family funny in any kind of way at all. and i dont act uppity as they say. but they tend to always have something negative to say, or state that i think im better than them and my life is perfect and i dont have any problems.

one reason i dont talk to them alot is because of their negative comments mostly, so there is a trust issue with them for me. one of my cousins even went as far to tell me that i make her feel too poor to be in my world! Im so confused because while im not perfect at all, i KNOW i dont act funny around my family nor do i demean them in anyway.

its so confusing because im always there for them. my aunt even told me that my mom and grandma who have been deceased since 2001 and 2007 felt like i was ashamed of them. She tells me this months ago, and im like huh? especially when all my friends and people who are close to me knew how i felt about my mom and grandma who raised me. its really hurtful, and now and how its been for a while i feel so uncomfortable around them and i dont want to be that way, but know how they talk about me, i dont know what else to do.

thanks for listening

Answer
Hi, Ryan, well there are hundred, if not thousands of possibilities. I won't pretend to know what is going on with the other people in your family. That is really what is needed to come up with a complete plan.

However, I do know this - that people often go 'crazy' when someone dies. They do and say things that they normally would never do. There's probably a lot of 'reasons why' they do this. Partly it's because they become very emotional, and when people are highly emotional, they stop thinking.

So, if this is partly what is going on with them, then I would just ignore it, like you ignore a barking do. The reason is because they may not really mean the things they are saying.

If it still bothers you, then you might consider going away from them until they can get themselves under control.

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Bruce Borkosky, Psy.D.

Expertise

questions framed similarly to 'what are some ways to respond when someone does/says X' are best. Questions posed in the form of 'why does my father do/say Y', or 'how would you diagnose my mother when she does/says Z' are difficult, if not impossible, to answer. I will probably reframe your question to fit the first question (what do I do). Nay question regarding any family member is fair game. Some of the most difficult are in the area of step-parenting and divorcing families.

Experience

I've been a licensed psychologist in Florida since 1994. I've evaluated and/or treated thousands of patients.

Organizations
American Psychological Association Florida Psychological association National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology

Publications
www.bruceborkosky.blogger.com

Education/Credentials
Psy.D., Miami Institute of Psychology, 1993 M.CS., U. of Dayton, 1984 B.A., Ohio Wesleyan U., 1978

Awards and Honors
Award for Years of Dedicated Service, Palm Beach County Legal Aid Society, 1999

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