Family Relations/Issues with Father


Hey Doctor Borkosky I am a twenty-two year old male living with my father. He has been divorced from my mother for I would say at least seven years now if that is at all relevant. Our entire life we have argued and never ever gotten along whatsoever.

Now that I have been honest and you know who is on each side of the perspectives I would ask you also be honest. My father believe that he is 0% responsible for how I turn out. He constantly says things word from word like "you are responsible for your own decisions in life". As this is true he believes that he is not at all responsible for how I turn out, but is my own decision to make.

I totally disagree with this decision and have told him word for word "that anyone that is something in life had parents that were usually something as well". I agree that people are responsible for their own actions and how they ultimately turn out, but think they are more likely to turn out like their parents.

It is very irritating as my father constantly blames everything on me. As while I will agree that I am not always the best son he always insists that he is the best father. He has never admitted to me that he was wrong in an argument where as I honestly will if I know I am in the wrong. I am always the instigator no matter what we are talking about. He always insists that he never starts arguments and never wants to start them even though a good deal of the time he is the instigator. While sometimes I might be he is more than most of the time. The irritating thing is is never ever will admit to being wrong, the trouble maker or anything of the sort.

So basically in your honest opinion do you think fathers play an extremely important role in how their children (son in this case) will turn out in life?
Do you think they are ultimately responsible for their own fate regardless of how their parents raised them or did for them in life?

The answer to this question is obviously probably a good mixture of the two but which one do you think has more pull?

Hi, Jordan, thanks for your questions. You asked,

1. do you think parents play an important role in how their children will turn out in life?

2. Do you think adults are ultimately responsible for their own fate regardless of how their parents raised them or did for them in life?

3. which one do you think has more pull?


1. yes

2. yes

3. When children are small, the parents' actions have more influence over the actions of the child. This influence becomes less over time. When children become adults, they and only they are responsible for their actions.

I don't know if this completely answers your questions. If not, feel free to append to the question.

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Bruce Borkosky, Psy.D.


questions framed similarly to 'what are some ways to respond when someone does/says X' are best. Questions posed in the form of 'why does my father do/say Y', or 'how would you diagnose my mother when she does/says Z' are difficult, if not impossible, to answer. I will probably reframe your question to fit the first question (what do I do). Nay question regarding any family member is fair game. Some of the most difficult are in the area of step-parenting and divorcing families.


I've been a licensed psychologist in Florida since 1994. I've evaluated and/or treated thousands of patients.

American Psychological Association Florida Psychological association National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology


Psy.D., Miami Institute of Psychology, 1993 M.CS., U. of Dayton, 1984 B.A., Ohio Wesleyan U., 1978

Awards and Honors
Award for Years of Dedicated Service, Palm Beach County Legal Aid Society, 1999

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