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Family Relations/14 year old Step-Son want to meet Real Dad

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Question
Hi David,

I'm asking this question on behalf of my wife.  She just recently was given the phone number to her son's Dad, who has not been in the picture since day one.  My Wife and I have been married for 2 years now.  She only has one Son, who is now 14 years old and is about to start high school.  Recently, he has been curious to the whereabouts of his Real Dad.  He wants to meet him and has been asking about him.  There has been no communication between the Father and my wife and stepson.  But, just about 3 years ago, my wife decided to take him to court for Child Support.  He did not show up to any appointments, but signed off on the order to get child support taken from him.  Now that my wife has his contact information, she doesn't know if she should call him to see if he would like to meet his son, or just leave it alone.  But, she is worried that when our son gets a little older, he will go out on his own and look for him.  She would like to contact him first, before our son gets to him, because she is afraid that the father might say something mean to him that will damage him emotionally.
We are writing you to get your opinion on this matter.  What should she do?

Thanks for your time and opinion on this matter.

Dan

Answer
Dan,
He will most likely eventually meet him. Right now you have the ability to influence him. As such, involving another adult in his life that may have some undue influence wouldn't be a good idea in my opinion. Each situation is different, but based on what you said I wouldn't actively pursue the relationship for him.

Doc David

www.DavidSimonsen.net  

Family Relations

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Dr. David Simonsen

Expertise

I am a licensed Marriage & Family therapist with a Ph.D. in Psychology. I work primarily with teens and families on a weekly basis. You will get the straight truth. I will not pull punches.

Experience

I have been working daily with teens and families for the last 10 years.

Organizations
AAMFT; AACC; WAMFT

Education/Credentials
M.S. in Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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