Family Relations/Overreacting? ?


Ok, so almost 2 years ago I had a really bad health scare. I ended up going to the hospital feeling very I'll and while being tested, went into cardiac arrest twice and caused me to aspirate. I was also recovering from a recent surgery and also suffer from a disease called muscular dystrophy. My partner dealt with everything and called my biological dad (I was adopted at a young age.) I have only had a relationship with him for the last 10 year's. We really started to connect after I gave birth to my daughter which is his first and only grandchild. Well the doctor told my partner that I wasn't doing so well, and he recommended getting everyone together to see me in case the worse should happen. So when my partner called my dad, my dad acted like it was no big deal. Or like he didn't believe it was all that serious. He didn't come to the hospital, not a single call. I called to tell him I was starting to improve and asked him why he didn't come by. He told me that he didn't have gas and there was no big deal. I was hurt. If I had a call tell me that my child was not doing well and in the hospital, I don't care how I got there, I would make sure I was there. Now my partner really looks down upon my dad and has decided that we have no connection what so ever. He doesn't want my dad around our little family especially our daughter. Now, my question to you is. Is this overreacting?  Part of me agrees but part of me thinks maybe this is overreacting. I am still a little hurt that my dad wasn't there for me. In fact over the years it seems like I am the only one wanting a relationship and I'm the only one making an effort to have him in my life. Thanks for your help.


In my mind this comes down to expectations. As you have reflected on the past you have begun to realize that your father is not a connector type person. It's just who he is take it or leave it. You have really no ideas how it was communicated to your father what your condition in the hospital was. You just assume it was communicated that you were going to die. regardless, if you expect your father to be this person that will jump at a moments notice it sounds like you will often be disappointed. I would suggest that you accept him for who he is and get on with life. Yes there may be hurt, but people deal with all kinds of hurt in the world and still move forward. I would keep a relationship open with him. Your partner wants to protect you. Yet, what does cutting your father off teach your child. It teaches that if you don't act the way I want you to act then you will lose relationship with me. Granted there are some behaviors that shouldn't be tolerated, but in this case I don't think this is one of those behaviors.

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Dr. David Simonsen


I am a licensed Marriage & Family therapist with a Ph.D. in Psychology. I work primarily with teens and families on a weekly basis. You will get the straight truth. I will not pull punches.


I have been working daily with teens and families for the last 10 years.


M.S. in Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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