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Family Relations/Uninterested grandparent

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Question
Hello Bruce.

I was hoping you could shed some light on an issue I am having with my mother no longer showing any interest in my daughter, her grandchild's, life.

For the first month,my mother would always call, always offer to babysit, although we have only taken her up on that twice. She seemed so involved in our daughters life for the first month. All that has changed. My daughter is a bit over three months old and my mother has seen her once in two months. I will try to call her and send her text messages seeing if I could bring her by for a visit, and weeks would elapse without a single reply. When I talked to her about it, she tells me she's just busy.

She lives in the same city as us, merely miles away, and yet she would choose to visit my brother and his family over a 100 miles away once or twice a month but cannot be bothered to return a text/phone call to us to see how her grandchild is doing.

We have also included her in everything. We send her pictures and milestones my daughter completes. But I am starting to wonder if I should just stop and wait for my mother to show interest.  I want her to be involved in my daughters life, but I feel my mother views her as a possible inconvenience to her.

What would your advice be on this?

Thank you for and advice.

Sincerely, Jared

Answer
Hi Jared, thanks for your question. Well, I would ask questions. It doesnt work too well to just wonder what other people are thinking. However, when asking questions, it is important to put aside your own wishes and be willing to accept whatever answer you get. You really dont have any right to expect your mom to act any particular way. You certainly can keep doing what you want - include her or not include her, but it is her choice to participate or not.

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Bruce Borkosky, Psy.D.

Expertise

questions framed similarly to 'what are some ways to respond when someone does/says X' are best. Questions posed in the form of 'why does my father do/say Y', or 'how would you diagnose my mother when she does/says Z' are difficult, if not impossible, to answer. I will probably reframe your question to fit the first question (what do I do). Nay question regarding any family member is fair game. Some of the most difficult are in the area of step-parenting and divorcing families.

Experience

I've been a licensed psychologist in Florida since 1994. I've evaluated and/or treated thousands of patients.

Organizations
American Psychological Association Florida Psychological association National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology

Publications
www.bruceborkosky.blogger.com

Education/Credentials
Psy.D., Miami Institute of Psychology, 1993 M.CS., U. of Dayton, 1984 B.A., Ohio Wesleyan U., 1978

Awards and Honors
Award for Years of Dedicated Service, Palm Beach County Legal Aid Society, 1999

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