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I worked hard my entire life to be successful and bring my kids up to be good people.  My first born is doing great.  The third is still in HS but is doing ok.  The second was recently arrested for pot issues.  This was the second time. After trying to get the best lawyer the first time he was given a plea deal that dropped all charges after one year.  Well two years later he was again arrested but it is worse.  His car which my husband and i bought was seized and it doesn't look like he will get it back.  There was no pot in the car and the charge of transporting was dropped  The car is over $20k down the drain, plus more legal fees.  Selfishly I am helping because if this doesnt turn out ok, we will be stuck helping him till the day we die.  We own a business where we've sold over 50 million and employed thousands.  I am hurt the state won't work with us.  I have no desire to continue in business and help others any longer.  While I understand my son is at fault why are we as parents paying for it?  We proved we bought the car.  I am so depressed and anxious as to how everything will turn out.  My life was doing for others and bringing up our kids to be good people.  Why would our son do this to us all?  I am heartbroken and beyond hurt.  I've thought about kicking him out but he has nowhere to go. Again it will all fall back on us.  I feel like my life is over.  He can appeal the car seizure but I doubt he'll win.  While I know it may only be a car, not getting it back will be a kick in the butt when we've done so much for this state and we will just be stuck driving him everywhere.  I don't even know if he can get insurance with this on his record.   I feel like such a failure.  I adored this kid but what a bum he has turned into.  He's 21 and now wants to turn his life around.  I told him I no longer care.  He was to have turned his life around the first time.  I'm not so willing to work with him anymore.  Why is my life so ruined????

Answer
Lisa,

I don't think your life is ruined. I do think that from your description that your son is spoiled. You should be doing the minimum for him. If he wants to truly turn his life around he can do it at 21 without your help. There are literally millions of others his age that make good choices and don't have parents support to make these choices. I imagine your support has not required him to actually do the right things. So my suggestion is that you simply stop helping him. He will come crying to you, but people do it on their own all the time. Yes it's hard, but hard things usually make a person appreciate what they have earned. For your child in school I would suggest you carefully weigh how much you do for him.

Doc David

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Dr. David Simonsen

Expertise

I am a licensed Marriage & Family therapist with a Ph.D. in Psychology. I work primarily with teens and families on a weekly basis. You will get the straight truth. I will not pull punches.

Experience

I have been working daily with teens and families for the last 10 years.

Organizations
AAMFT; AACC; WAMFT

Education/Credentials
M.S. in Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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