Family Relations/Family issue

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Question
Hi Dr Simonsen
I am somewhat lost as what to do to help my brother. I do love him but at times he is just lazy or he relies on others to do things for him. He is 33 years old and I find it very frustrating because most of the tasks are very simple and require simple problem solving skills.

I did tell my brother that he can ask me for help, but I want him to try to solve things by himself if possible. I told him that I will not spoon-feed him all the time. He needs to be accountable because he is an adult. I have lost count of all the times that I have told him what to do, and I feel that I am just repeating myself over and over. He is not very motivated to be active every day such as to tidy up and put things in order.

At times my brother forgets to pay his bills, he has lost his wallet, he cannot manage his finances to set a budget, and without my help he is just disorganised and messy. I really am lost sometimes and it really concerns me. My parents are not with us anymore, so itís just me and my brother left in the family.
All our relatives live overseas and we donít have many close friends. Like I said I do love him, and I really need some advice on this.
Thank you.

Answer
David,
I assume he lives with you? I think at some point you need to have some clear boundaries with him. If he doesn't follow through on things then tough love is in order. This would mean he or you moving out and getting on with your life. If you don't, then nothing will change and things will continue to be the same 5, 10 and 15 years from now.

Doc David

Family Relations

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Dr. David Simonsen

Expertise

I am a licensed Marriage & Family therapist with a Ph.D. in Psychology. I work primarily with teens and families on a weekly basis. You will get the straight truth. I will not pull punches.

Experience

I have been working daily with teens and families for the last 10 years.

Organizations
AAMFT; AACC; WAMFT

Education/Credentials
M.S. in Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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