AboutBob Sponaugle Expertise Hello. I am very willing to discuss and answer all aspects of size acceptance, which is the NON-DIETING approach to living as a large person. I also welcome questions from their admirers. However, I can not answer diet questions.
Experience I have been a member of the size acceptance movement for over 25 years. While I was a fat kid, I am not very large now. I am a fat admirer who has been supporter of large people for many years.
Expert: Bob Sponaugle Date: 8/19/2008 Subject: boyfriend critical
Question Hi, when I met my b/f several months ago, i was about 20 lbs thinner, since of course with the dinners etc, i've put on apx 20lbs, he's got a belly also, but he kinda tells me I dont need that, or we need to lose weight, or my stomach is getting bigger, and I think its turned him off b/c he has said he is kinda turned off on bigger girls, even though he has a big stomach himself. im a size 16. Any ideas?
Answer Hi.
People's preference in a partner is not always equal to their own looks. Just like a brown haired man can prefer a blonde woman, a large man can prefer a thin woman.
I guess there are three things to find out.
1) CAN you lose weight and keep it off
2) Do you want to lose weight and keep it off
3) Can he accept you at a larger size.
Only around 3% of diets work in the long run. Many women started dieting at the low end of BBW, and by constant yoyoing, ended up very large. Just by losing 5, gaining 10 repeatedly.
Even if you could lose weight, are you willing to constantly deny yourself to become and remain thin? I am not saying that you should eat all day and become 500 pounds. But is worth starving yourself rather than becoming a size 18/20 in the next 10 years or so?
His being happy with you only of you are thin, whether he can control his opinion or not, is probably not healthy. Both you will be miserable if you put on a little weight. It will probably keep you both on edge.
Breaking up is never easy, but perhaps you should have a heart to heart talk with him about your weight. The question should be is if he can accept you at your current size, and perhaps even larger. Is your weight so important to him that he would rather break up than be with the larger you?
Remember that there are a lot of men out there who love larger women. They won't just accept your weight, they'll love it. I end up chatting with a lot of miserable women whose men can't accept them. Some of then remain miserable, some end up cheating.
If you would like to discuss this further, either ask follow up questions, or send me an email or IM address and check the private box.
