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Fatherhood/Why would a 12 year old European girl be very happy that her

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Question
QUESTION: Why would a 12 year old European girl be very happy that her motherís husband would legally adopt her? She knows that he cannot finically support her, but he tries very hard to be a very good father.  This man is very good with children.

ANSWER: What makes any of us happy?  It is different for all based on what we know about life.  For some it may be having lot's of money and influence that it brings.  For others, a simple, safe life is all that they need to feel happy.  There is no way you or I could answer this question as we have not lived this girls life.

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QUESTION: Why would she have a better relationship with her adoptive father than with her birth mother? She has know her adoptive for only three years, but has know her birth mother her entire live. Why would she spend more than 30 hours a week with her adoptive father and spend very little time with her birth mother. Her mother says that this is not a big deal.

Answer
A typical 12 year old girl would not necessarily have the best and closest relationship with her mother for any number of reasons, but primarily the fact that Mom is the boss at an age when daughters are in such a hurry to grow up.  A new step father may be too nice and giving too much of often wrong things (like tattoos) to gain the girls acceptance. Is there any reason other than what we have already been over to cause you to be concerned?  Seems that there is something still bothering you about this family.  I certainly understand as I would be tempted to feel/think that something is just not right here.  

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Marcos Torres

Expertise

I can answer many questions regarding child development, best practices in child care and the fathers role in his children's development.

Experience

10 years as a child protective services investigator, 10 years administrator of a residential nonprofit program for developmentally disabled adults and children, 2 years working with parents facilitating a parenting group of first time parents with my wife using the MELD curriculum in the early 80's. Co-wrote and Administered a fatherhood grant working with young fathers and incarcerated fathers. Ran a fatherhood program in a Texas State jail and was Director of Incarcerated Programs for the National Fatherhood Initiative for a year and a half. I also raised two children now 22 and 26 who have excelled academically which I believe is from our learning the best practices in child rearing from the start.

Education/Credentials
BA in Social work in 1980 from New Mexico State University

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