Female Masturbation/really need help

I'm 18 and I've had sex a few times but I haven't been able to reach any kind of climax. When I masturbate, I rub really hard against my clit until I orgasm, and I've done it that way for a while, but I can't finger myself and come and nobody else seems able to get me to orgasm unless I'm trying and focusing extremely hard on it and tensing up my body, often ending up with leg cramps. The times I've had sex have either slightly felt good but nothing else or made my eyes water and made me feel like I was about to have an accident and pee on him. I don't know if this is normal and I don't feel normal when I'm alone masturbating or with a boy. A lot of things feel good, but they just aren't enough to make me orgasm apart from putting hard pressure on my clit (or the times I've orgasmed by tensing up my body until my legs cramp up with light pressure on my clit). Please help me!

Hi Katie!
I think there's a lot of hope for you. I'm not a doctor so this is just my opinion, but I believe you've conditioned your body to respond only to strong stimuli directly to your clit. The good news is, usually the body can become unconditioned if given some time. The older you get, the more sexual experiences you have with other people, and the more comfortable you get around them, the better this problem will get. It will not be easy nor will it be quick, it's just something you'll have to put up with for probably a few years. You can help this problem by: If you know you're going to be with someone else, don't masturbate for a few days before. Then when you're with him/her, spend as much time with foreplay and just relaxing with each other and letting both of your sex drives build up. As you do this over and over, your body will begin to respond more positively to stimuli from yourself and partners. I've had similar experiences as you so trust me when I say you're not alone. There are a LOT of girls out there that have to do the same things to orgasm. It DOES get better with time and more experience. Don't expect immediate results, just know as your body and mind get used to being with partners, you will begin to have more pleasure from it.
Good luck!

Female Masturbation

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Heather Smith


I can answer most questions about male and female masturbation including physical, mental and ethical aspects. I've helped many girls and women, and some men, with issues like not enough pleasure, too much or too little masturbation, mutual masturbation and teaching others, and using it to improve your sex life or life in general. If I do not already know the answer to your question, I will gladly find it or refer you to someone who does.


I have helped my sisters and friends learn how to pleasure themselves growing up. I was always the one my friends would ask about it and I would try to help find the right solution for them. I am very comfortable talking about the subject and any problem associated with it. I believe there is always a solution to any problem, but I will not hesitate to refer someone to counseling if the problem warrants it. I strongly believe masturbation is a healthy part of living for both sexes, and can especially be important for women's sexual health and relationship success. I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology and have done a lot of research on masturbation, and how a healthy amount of it can be a positive part of a young person's life, and an uplifting part of a relationship or marriage later in life. Personally I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old, and I have tried just about every trick in the book. I know what worked for me, what works for most people, and what is just a bad idea.

Volunteered for one year at a local soup kitchen which also counseled clients. Worked one-on-one with clients as a Volunteer Life Counselor there, finding solutions to financial, shelter and clothing needs.

G.E.D. acquired. Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from a Central Oklahoma University.

Past/Present Clients
I have helped many friends, my own sisters, college roommates, my friend's brother, a few men and women online.

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