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Female Masturbation/Can I relearn to climax without tensing?


Question
Sorry my question is long - thanks in advance for bearing with me!

I first learned how to orgasm when I was 18 with an electric toothbrush. Shortly after, I began masturbating with my fingers while lying on my stomach and tensing my lower body. This made my orgasms stronger and happen more quickly - I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

After three years of this I started having sex when I was 21. I was at first disappointed that I feel no pleasure at all from penetration, so I tried to stimulate my clitoris with my fingers during sex (both with and without penetration). I was disappointed again when I realized I couldn't feel pleasure from this because of my need to have my lower body completely tensed to feel pleasure.

For about six months I've been working on my own to try to orgasm without tensing my lower body. I've gotten it to the point where I can with some abdominal and PC tensing, but usually I need to be extremely turned on and distracted with porn. I find it's hard to muster the concentration and be turned on enough without this. I usually can masturbate without porn with a vibrator, and that requires less active tensing, but it still requires some and I what I really want to do is improve my masturbation without a vibrator.

It feels as if I feel little pleasure from the clitoris itself - the pleasure comes from the muscles tensing. B/c even when I'm starting to feel the pleasure, it doesn't feel like it's concentrated at the head of the clitoris, it feels like it's coming from the tensed vaginal muscles.

My question is, with enough practice, can I relearn how to orgasm? Without relying on purposefully tensing muscles? Can my clitoris begin to feel more sensitive and feel pleasure in itself without this muscle tension? If so, how long might it take?

Thanks so much!

Answer
There is nothing wrong with tensing your lower body when masturbating.  Most males and many females do it.  It is a way to keep sensations from your legs from interfering with your orgasm.  Sometimes muscles in the legs can start acting up right before orgasm, almost like a charley horse is about to happen.  Keeping the legs as straight as possible prevents those leg movements.  So there is nothing wrong with it, and it is perfectly normal.  I don't see why you need to relearn anything.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.

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I have been answering questions about female masturbation, male masturbation, and other areas of sexuality for over 11 years on my web site HealthyStrokes.com, and I have been an expert in sexuality categories on AllExperts for over two years.

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I have been answering questions about female masturbation, male masturbation, and other areas of sexuality for over 13 years on my web site HealthyStrokes.com, and I have been an expert in sexuality categories on AllExperts for over four years.

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I have a Ph.D. in an unrelated field from one of the leading research institutions in the world.

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I have helped thousands of females over the years with their questions on masturbation and female sexuality.

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