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Female Masturbation/Can I relearn to orgasm without tensing?


Question
Sorry my question is long - thanks in advance for bearing with me!

I first learned how to orgasm when I was 18 with an electric toothbrush. Shortly after, I began masturbating with my fingers while lying on my stomach and tensing my lower body. This made my orgasms stronger and happen more quickly - I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

After three years of this I started having sex when I was 21. I was at first disappointed that I feel no pleasure at all from penetration, so I tried to stimulate my clitoris with my fingers during sex (both with and without penetration). I was disappointed again when I realized I couldn't feel pleasure from this because of my need to have my lower body completely tensed to feel pleasure.

For about six months I've been working on my own to try to orgasm without tensing my lower body. I've gotten it to the point where I can with some abdominal and PC tensing, but usually I need to be extremely turned on and distracted with porn. I find it's hard to muster the concentration and be turned on enough without this. I usually can masturbate without porn with a vibrator, and that requires less active tensing, but it still requires some and I what I really want to do is improve my masturbation without a vibrator.

It feels as if I feel little pleasure from the clitoris itself - the pleasure comes from the muscles tensing. B/c even when I'm starting to feel the pleasure, it doesn't feel like it's concentrated at the head of the clitoris, it feels like it's coming from the tensed vaginal muscles.

My question is, with enough practice, can I relearn how to orgasm? Without relying on purposefully tensing muscles? Can my clitoris begin to feel more sensitive and feel pleasure in itself without this muscle tension? If so, how long might it take?

Thanks so much!

Answer
Hi Beth!
I'm wondering if you've ever stopped masturbating for a lengthy period, like a few weeks or more?
I'm not an expert on the physiology of all of this, but about the only thing I could recommend will probably be the hardest to do... which is to stop for a while.
I can not guarantee you will be able to feel pleasure from different parts of your body.. it seems all women are different like that, and some women are just hard to bring to climax their entire lives. Your best option is to try to retrain your body to respond, like you have been... only with no stimulation for a while. You can test this by going at least 2 or 3 weeks with no physical stimulation whatsoever. wait until you can hardly stand it... and then have someone else, or yourself, stimulate you in a way that has never worked before, like penetration. No muscle tensing, no porn. see if you feel anything. If you waited long enough, and you are able to retrain your body, it should at least feel better then it used to. If this happens... stop for at least a month... and then try again with only stimulation that hasn't worked before.
I know it will be hard but as long as you're giving yourself that stimulation that works your mind and body have no incentive to change. It's a tough road but it will be worth it if you are able to feel pleasure with someone else.
Good luck!
-Heather

Female Masturbation

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Heather Smith

Expertise

I can answer most questions about male and female masturbation including physical, mental and ethical aspects. I've helped many girls and women, and some men, with issues like not enough pleasure, too much or too little masturbation, mutual masturbation and teaching others, and using it to improve your sex life or life in general. If I do not already know the answer to your question, I will gladly find it or refer you to someone who does.

Experience

I have helped my sisters and friends learn how to pleasure themselves growing up. I was always the one my friends would ask about it and I would try to help find the right solution for them. I am very comfortable talking about the subject and any problem associated with it. I believe there is always a solution to any problem, but I will not hesitate to refer someone to counseling if the problem warrants it. I strongly believe masturbation is a healthy part of living for both sexes, and can especially be important for women's sexual health and relationship success. I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology and have done a lot of research on masturbation, and how a healthy amount of it can be a positive part of a young person's life, and an uplifting part of a relationship or marriage later in life. Personally I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old, and I have tried just about every trick in the book. I know what worked for me, what works for most people, and what is just a bad idea.

Organizations
Volunteered for one year at a local soup kitchen which also counseled clients. Worked one-on-one with clients as a Volunteer Life Counselor there, finding solutions to financial, shelter and clothing needs.

Education/Credentials
G.E.D. acquired. Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from a Central Oklahoma University.

Past/Present Clients
I have helped many friends, my own sisters, college roommates, my friend's brother, a few men and women online.

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