Female Masturbation/one more step?

After reading some of your previous answers, I figured you could be the person to help me. I am a 20 yr old virgin and have masturbated in some form since I was about 15. I met my boyfriend 5 months ago but we haven't been sexually active yet as I recently had to move away and we became long distance partners. We frequently send erotic messages, emails etc and he is aware that I am a virgin.
The things he says definitely get me aroused and I can feel the tension building in my body as I masturbate but the release always feels just a little too soon, like I can't quite push that bit further myself, it feels like I need someone else to be in control and do it for me. And even after I release I can still feel the pressure wound tight making my clit pulse.
I've tried to hold on as long as I can, but I don't seem to have the self control not to give in when it gets too intense, and we've tried my boyfriend guiding me step by step and giving me directions, but it only served to get me even more wound up.
do you think I can get myself there and if so, how? or do I need an external factor to nudge me in the right direction?
Thank you for your time

ANSWER: The first thing that comes to my mind is you may be (not necessarily) giving your clit too much attention at that crucial moment when you are very near orgasm.  This is a common problem that many young women encounter.  You might try staying away from direct stiulation of your clit until you feel ready for your orgasmic release.   I know its easier said than done.  It's something for you to try.  If you want some 1-on-1 coaching, nudging, we can discuss that.  

Let me know if this sounds like something that might help you.  If not, I have more ideas for appoaching masturbation.  Female masturbation can be quite complex as each woman is different in her responses, and there are multliple ways to stimulate yourself toward orgasm.  Dont wowrryabout being virgin.  That should not be an issue in getting a good orgasm.  Is your hymen intact?  Have you used your fingers or anything else to penetrate your vagina?

[an error occurred while processing this directive]---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for answering!
I've never particularly found just clit stimulation to be enough so I generally have 2, sometimes 3 fingers inside me.  Any advice would be appreciated...

ANSWER: The point I was trying to make is this:  When you get very close to orgasm maybe you can move your fingers away from your clit and allow the feelings to build more so you can get the complete release from sexual tension that you are missing out on.  Most women need to give attention to the clit in order to trigger an orgasm.  If you become conscious that you are dangerously close, moveing your attention away from your clit for a half minute or less may be the key to avoiding the pre-mature half-orgasm problem.   If you need help doing this it is perfectly understandable.  Let me know.   

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I'm back. Despite no longer being a virgin and finding everything my boyfriend and I do pleasurable I still haven't made much progress when it comes to orgasm. He's started blaming himself and that's the last thing I want him to do!

Mae, it's time for you to get serious about having your orgasm.  Im sure you have a lot of sexual energy built up and you need to release Im sure.  The fact that you find sexual  activity pleasurable is great!  Now we need to move you toward orgasm.  You said you lost your virginity.  HOw many times have you had sex with his penis in your vagina?

Female Masturbation

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




I have been helping women (mature women, young women, teens and girls who have questions) for more than 8 years. Many have found success in their attempts at first orgasm as well as more intense orgasms. Whether you are a beginner at masturbating, or just curious about it, or you have years of experience, I will be happy to answer your questions and help you get your needs met. I have become familiar with the different types of female orgasm. I can assist in finding and stimulating the GSPOT. I have helped several women to enjoy multiple orgasms for the first time in thier life. I usually gather some information that helps me to understand what is really wanted and needed. My success record is very good.

I have studied alternative medicine including how it relates to sexual energy and the delightful pleasure of masturbation for both male and female and certain aspects of sex therapy.

Past/Present Clients
I have many satisfied clients. Much of my work has been done via Q & A, but I have found audio and video instruction to be most helpful. Interactive video or audio usually gives the best and quickest results, but is left entirely to the discretion of the woman asking for help. Whether you need reassurance, simple information, or 1 on 1 coaching I can help you masturbate to orgasm.

©2017 About.com. All rights reserved.

[an error occurred while processing this directive]