Female Masturbation/masturbaion and sex


Question
"Hi, thank you for what you do. I don't really have anyone I feel I can go to with this and its very kind of you to avail your time to people like me and others. Here goes.. I'm 20 and I got married recently to my high scholl best friend, also 20 ( we are both observant jews, 20 is not insanely young for religous jews, we where both virgins as well, also common, expected actually, for our background) she ia beautiful, sweet, and gas a very strong sex drive.  We've been having some issues. I'm very embarrased to say that masturbation is still a problem for me, and it led to an inabilaty on my part to meet my wife's sex drive and she was very hurt(who can blame her)  I felt awful and I have obstainef from masturbating which is very hard,  but in the past 3 days, I couldn't get it up during sex. Im extremely embarrased and my wife I can tell is very hurt. ( and horny, and we want to have a baby) do u have any advice? Im sorry this was so long. I don't think I was satisfying her enough before but now im definatly not."

Answer
Hi Stephen,
"Female Masturbation" is probably not the best suited category for this type of question, but I'll do my best.
My best guess is that you are having these troubles because you are nervous and focusing so much on not letting her down. You will have to limit your masturbation if you want to have sex with your wife regularly, but I doubt that you would need to completely stop. It's normal for a married couple to still masturbate when their partner is not available for sex. Try to talk to her and let her know that sex will get better as time goes on, and that you can't help but get nervous and distracted. In the meantime, don't try so hard to have a baby, instead make love when you both feel you want to. Forcing yourselves to try and get pregnant takes the romance out of sex and distracts you too, and anytime one of you is forcing sex it doubles your chances of having trouble. When you have trouble with erections, try being there for her; masturbating her, oral sex, holding her while she masturbates. You will find that you can still be a close couple while she fulfills her sex drive. This will take some of the pressure off of you and over time you'll perform better.
If you are still having trouble after a month or two I'd suggest seeing a doctor to check your testosterone levels and possibly get a prescription for some E.D. medication.
Good luck!
-Heather

Female Masturbation

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Heather Smith

Expertise

I can answer most questions about male and female masturbation including physical, mental and ethical aspects. I've helped many girls and women, and some men, with issues like not enough pleasure, too much or too little masturbation, mutual masturbation and teaching others, and using it to improve your sex life or life in general. If I do not already know the answer to your question, I will gladly find it or refer you to someone who does.

Experience

I have helped my sisters and friends learn how to pleasure themselves growing up. I was always the one my friends would ask about it and I would try to help find the right solution for them. I am very comfortable talking about the subject and any problem associated with it. I believe there is always a solution to any problem, but I will not hesitate to refer someone to counseling if the problem warrants it. I strongly believe masturbation is a healthy part of living for both sexes, and can especially be important for women's sexual health and relationship success. I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology and have done a lot of research on masturbation, and how a healthy amount of it can be a positive part of a young person's life, and an uplifting part of a relationship or marriage later in life. Personally I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old, and I have tried just about every trick in the book. I know what worked for me, what works for most people, and what is just a bad idea.

Organizations
Volunteered for one year at a local soup kitchen which also counseled clients. Worked one-on-one with clients as a Volunteer Life Counselor there, finding solutions to financial, shelter and clothing needs.

Education/Credentials
G.E.D. acquired. Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from a Central Oklahoma University.

Past/Present Clients
I have helped many friends, my own sisters, college roommates, my friend's brother, a few men and women online.

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