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Female Masturbation/Why can't I get wet or come?

QUESTION: I'm an 18 year old female that is in a loving relationship with a male I find very good looking.  I feel horny but I don't get wet or come that often.  I have masturbated since I was 13 always lying on my tummy, it just what came to me.  I don't ever enter my pussy with my fingers, it's hard to explain but I press against right above and down and I'll come within 3 minutes.    

I've recently been reading up on TMS in females, there really isn't much out there.  I've been thinking this may be my problem.

My boyfriend on the other hand thinks it may have to do with me being raped when I was 13.

Do you think it's one or the other or maybe both?  I'm really just looking for some insight on this.

ANSWER: Hi Clare-

Before I answer this can you just reply to this question: Can your, or could you at any time orgasm when you masturbated.

Thanks :)


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I always can and have been able to.

ANSWER: I am happy you are able to orgasm. I know a lot of people that have been abused that cannot. They totally lose the sensation in their clitoris and orgasming is difficult.

Have you ever had an orgasm with him? With any man?

But if you are not on any medications for depression, there is a chance that having an orgasm with someone else could be difficult. Through time and understanding, you should be able to have one with him because you can do it alone.

What happens when during penetration and your rub your clit? Do you do that? Is it a different sensation than when you do it alone?

Sorry if this seems like a lot of questions, but without knowing fully what you do and what makes your orgasm, it's hard to make a suggestion.

But I am here to help and I think we can work through this together.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I've had an orgasm doing odd things like dry humping him and riding him.  He's the first man that ever made me orgasm.  My clit doesn't seem to really do anything, it is very different from when I'm alone.

In my opinion your problem probably does steam a little from what happened to you when you were younger. It is very common among women that were abused. Like I said before, it's very positive that you can orgasm both him and alone. The steps I would take is to simple keep trying to have sex with him, essentially keep practicing, and also keep masturbating and it this problem might work itself out. If you can, try to keep your mind off not being able to orgasm with him. I know that is easier said then down, but the block seems to be mental. If in a few months you are still not able to orgasm with him, you can go do your doctor and get something that will make your clit more sensitive .... but I personally believe you can work this out yourself.

Let me know how I can further help you, hun :)

Female Masturbation

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Angie B..


I can answer any questions related to female masturbation. I have had a psychology practice in the state of Florida for the past ten years. I deal with, but not exclusively, females who have or are dealing with many types of sexual changes. There are NO questions that are wrong to ask about masturbation. I take every questions seriously, and will help you in anyway I can. Please feel free to ask anything, and know you will get my best advice and judgment. I have included a photo of myself on my profile. This is so you can see who you are talking to. :)


As previous stated, I have practiced over ten year in helping teen and adults overcome numerous sexual anxiety, questions about masturbation, and sexual desires --- all of which were done on a clinic level.

I have a Maser's Degree in Human Sexuality from the University of Miami. I also have a Master's Degree in Psychology from the Florida State University.

Past/Present Clients
Because of the sensitivity of the issue, I would never release names of pasts clients.

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