Female Masturbation/Am I normal?

Hi Heather!

I'm a single 19 year old girl from the UK who has just started uni.  I love masturbation and have been doing it virtually every night for the last few months - however, I have a rather bizarre method for pleasuring myself: I lie face down on my bed, head buried in the pillow, and rub myself passionately against the mattress, sometimes with the help of a clenched fist on my genitals, wrapped up all warm and cosy in my blanket.  This method has become like a ritual for me - I do it everyday before going to bed, and there's always a sensual, intense, and heavenly release that soothes my mind and brings me sweet dreams.  It's my secret garden and my favourite pastime, a beautiful throb in my belly that needs to be taken care of daily!  My concern is that I will never be able to orgasm in any other way and that my special technique is sexually abnormal.  Are there other girls who are in a similar situation, or am I just a freak?  I'm far too shy to talk about it with friends.  What's more, I've never had a sexual partner and am afraid that my obsessive solitary ecstasies may prevent me from pursuing an intimate relationship and opening up to people.  On the other hand, I don't want to give up my precious little habit, despite some residue of guilt.  Could you please give me some advice and respond in some way to all my worries?  I'm just an inexperience girl trying to discover herself...  Thanks for your patience!

xxxxx Elaine

Hi Elaine!
Sorry it has taken me a day or two to get back to you! Thanks for your letter, I think a lot of us girls (and guys) feel exactly the same way about this stuff at some point! I know I did. Here's the most important thing, no two people masturbate the "right way" because there is NO right way!
As long as it's not hurting you or anyone else, your only job is to make yourself feel good, it's really that simple! There may be a higher percentage of women who lay on their back and rub their clit, but even that group of women can't agree because no one rubs it the same way!
Your other question is a bit more tricky. How easily you orgasm from different stimulation will be based on a lot of things, such as: how long it's been since you last masturbated, how you last masturbated, how turned on your are, how skilled and patient your partner is, and many more factors.
Masturbating the same way every day, in such a style that it's impossible for another person to replicate for you... yes it does bring down your chances of orgasm via another person's stimulation somewhat. But don't fret or force yourself to give up your habit just yet. For now while you are not sexually active, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If there comes a day soon when you feel you may be sexually active with someone, I wouldn't try to stop masturbating completely, I would only try to maybe take a night off here and there, and try some different methods. Fingering or using toys can do a better job of simulating sex with a guy, but the trick is you have to put in the time, and be dedicated enough that you don't just roll over and go back to your old method after just a few minutes. If it's a girl you may be intimate with, instead of fingering or using toys, I would have to just suggest tot take as much time off of masturbation before having sex as possible, so you are extra sensitive. ;) You CAN and will retrain your brain and body to receive pleasure differently, it will just take patience from you and your partner when the time comes. Anyone who doesn't have the patience to wait for your body to come around isn't worth it, trust me there. You can still have fun and have sex, and bring yourself to orgasm if necessary, until your body begins to respond more to the other person.
So you won't permanently mold your body to only receive pleasure this way. Have fun for now, and be ready to put in the time when you feel like a change may be in order.
In the meantime, I wish you many happy, wet nights in bed ;)
With Love,
P.S. If you ever want to chat, my yahoo ID is cheergurl0111@yahoo.com

Female Masturbation

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Heather Smith


I can answer most questions about male and female masturbation including physical, mental and ethical aspects. I've helped many girls and women, and some men, with issues like not enough pleasure, too much or too little masturbation, mutual masturbation and teaching others, and using it to improve your sex life or life in general. If I do not already know the answer to your question, I will gladly find it or refer you to someone who does.


I have helped my sisters and friends learn how to pleasure themselves growing up. I was always the one my friends would ask about it and I would try to help find the right solution for them. I am very comfortable talking about the subject and any problem associated with it. I believe there is always a solution to any problem, but I will not hesitate to refer someone to counseling if the problem warrants it. I strongly believe masturbation is a healthy part of living for both sexes, and can especially be important for women's sexual health and relationship success. I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology and have done a lot of research on masturbation, and how a healthy amount of it can be a positive part of a young person's life, and an uplifting part of a relationship or marriage later in life. Personally I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old, and I have tried just about every trick in the book. I know what worked for me, what works for most people, and what is just a bad idea.

Volunteered for one year at a local soup kitchen which also counseled clients. Worked one-on-one with clients as a Volunteer Life Counselor there, finding solutions to financial, shelter and clothing needs.

G.E.D. acquired. Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from a Central Oklahoma University.

Past/Present Clients
I have helped many friends, my own sisters, college roommates, my friend's brother, a few men and women online.

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