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Female Masturbation/Help! Masturbation privacy

Dear Heather,

I'm in a tricky situation.  You see, I still live with my Korean parents, who are both strict and deeply Christian.  I'm almost 17 years old - though very inexperienced compared to most of my friends - and have been feeling intense urges "down there".  However, I have been forced to repress them because my bedroom is right next to that of my parents, separated by a paper-thin wall.  I hear everything that goes on in their room - nothing naughty! - so it's only natural to conclude that they can hear me.  To make matters worse, my bed gives a huge creak whenever I move around.  All this is to say that I lack the privacy to give my body some much-needed pleasure.  I feel as if I am being denied a basic human right!  I slave away all day, studying hard for this and that.  If only I could have some deep, intimate release before going to bed (I'm also Christian but I don't believe that what I'm doing could possibly be a sin).  Without "releasing", it often takes me two hours or more to fall asleep, and I'm exhausted the next day, while my tummy is still aching for attention.  In fact, the only time that I ever managed to indulge myself freely was during a vacation with my mom and dad a few months ago: I had a small room to myself, and at night I let it all out under the covers.  I won't go into the details, but it was sublime and liberating, and the sheets were all soaked in my sweat when I woke up!  My question is straightforward: how can I reproduce that pleasure on a nightly basis without alerting my nosy parents?  There's the bathroom, but I prefer to masturbate slowly and sensually with my hands in my own bed, under the covers.  Other methods are too "artificial" for me and don't really work - though to be frank I haven't really tried.  Anyway, I have two simple methods: either grinding on my belly (which makes far too much noise, so that's ruled out) or just "diddling" on my back.  The second method allows me to stay relatively still, but there's also the problem of my heavy, irregular breathing, especially as I'm about to climax - in fact, when I orgasm, I can't help but let out a muffled grunt of joy.  On top of that, inhaling and exhaling deeply when you masturbate greatly increases the pleasure, so I  don't want to be deprived of that freedom.  Right now, the best that I can give myself is a clandestine, restrained, and often frustrated session when I think that my parents have fallen asleep (unfortunately, neither of them snore, so I can never be sure).  So I'm desperate for help and ideas.  I'm not joking when I say that my parents are extremely conservative, so I can't be caught - they'd be more than furious at me.  My body needs to express itself badly, but it's all caged up...


Hi Ara!
I'm sorry to hear that you struggle to find privacy!
It seems like you've explored most of your options, and you will likely continue to be limited until you can go off to college or move out.
You admitted you haven't really tried to masturbate other times, in other places. Being willing to try that will be your best chance to discover possibilities!
Also being willing to try other methods in your bed that may not make such a loud noise is important.
Perhaps inserting a toothbrush or comb handle would boost the amount of pleasure you receive so that you can lie on your back and be relatively still.
Have you tried in the shower as well? If you have a detachable shower head those can feel great, or simply lie down in the tub and let the faucet run over your clit. :)
You're in a tough situation, and you have to be willing to bend a little bit and try different things, but if you do I'm confident you'll find something you enjoy a lot!
Feel free to write back!

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Heather Smith


I can answer most questions about male and female masturbation including physical, mental and ethical aspects. I've helped many girls and women, and some men, with issues like not enough pleasure, too much or too little masturbation, mutual masturbation and teaching others, and using it to improve your sex life or life in general. If I do not already know the answer to your question, I will gladly find it or refer you to someone who does.


I have helped my sisters and friends learn how to pleasure themselves growing up. I was always the one my friends would ask about it and I would try to help find the right solution for them. I am very comfortable talking about the subject and any problem associated with it. I believe there is always a solution to any problem, but I will not hesitate to refer someone to counseling if the problem warrants it. I strongly believe masturbation is a healthy part of living for both sexes, and can especially be important for women's sexual health and relationship success. I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology and have done a lot of research on masturbation, and how a healthy amount of it can be a positive part of a young person's life, and an uplifting part of a relationship or marriage later in life. Personally I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old, and I have tried just about every trick in the book. I know what worked for me, what works for most people, and what is just a bad idea.

Volunteered for one year at a local soup kitchen which also counseled clients. Worked one-on-one with clients as a Volunteer Life Counselor there, finding solutions to financial, shelter and clothing needs.

G.E.D. acquired. Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from a Central Oklahoma University.

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I have helped many friends, my own sisters, college roommates, my friend's brother, a few men and women online.

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