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Dear Angie,

I'm in a tricky situation.  You see, I still live with my Korean parents, who are both strict and deeply Christian.  I'm almost 17 years old - though very inexperienced compared to most of my friends - and have been feeling intense urges "down there".  However, I have been forced to repress them because my bedroom is right next to that of my parents, separated by a paper-thin wall.  I hear everything that goes on in their room - nothing naughty! - so it's only natural to conclude that they can hear me.  To make matters worse, my bed gives a huge creak whenever I move around.  All this is to say that I lack the privacy to give my body some much-needed pleasure.  I feel as if I am being denied a basic human right!  I slave away all day, studying hard for this and that.  If only I could have some deep, intimate release before going to bed (I'm also Christian but I don't believe that what I'm doing could possibly be a sin).  Without "releasing", it often takes me two hours or more to fall asleep, and I'm exhausted the next day, while my tummy is still aching for attention.  In fact, the only time that I ever managed to indulge myself freely was during a vacation with my mom and dad a few months ago: I had a small room to myself, and at night I let it all out under the covers.  I won't go into the details, but it was sublime and liberating, and the sheets were all soaked in my sweat when I woke up!  My question is straightforward: how can I reproduce that pleasure on a nightly basis without alerting my nosy parents?  There's the bathroom, but I prefer to masturbate slowly and sensually with my hands in my own bed, under the covers.  Other methods are too "artificial" for me and don't really work - though to be frank I haven't really tried.  Anyway, I have two simple methods: either grinding on my belly (which makes far too much noise, so that's ruled out) or just "diddling" on my back.  The second method allows me to stay relatively still, but there's also the problem of my heavy, irregular breathing, especially as I'm about to climax - in fact, when I orgasm, I can't help but let out a muffled grunt of joy.  On top of that, inhaling and exhaling deeply when you masturbate greatly increases the pleasure, so I  don't want to be deprived of that freedom.  Right now, the best that I can give myself is a clandestine, restrained, and often frustrated session when I think that my parents have fallen asleep (unfortunately, neither of them snore, so I can never be sure).  So I'm desperate for help and ideas.  I'm not joking when I say that my parents are extremely conservative, so I can't be caught - they'd be more than furious at me.  My body needs to express itself badly, but it's all caged up...

Ara

Answer
Hi hun, thank you for sharing your story with me. You do have a big problem, and I am sorry. I really don't know what I can suggest, though. I think you should really try masturbating in the shower or bathroom. Maybe if you masturbated in the bathroom before bed, you would get to sleep faster and get rid of some of those urges. I know if you had a choice you would masturbate in bed (I understand because I have kids running around and I have to masturbate in the bathroom, too, when I would rather do that in a soft, comfy bed) but isn't one form of masturbation better than not doing it at all?

Also, maybe you can keep practicing in you bed, at night, so you are even more quiet. I know it's difficult with the breathing and when you orgasm you make noise, but you can try, and if you hear something, just stop.

I know this might not help you all that much, and I am sorry. It's just you are in a touch place. hun, and I feel bad for you. Please let me know if I can help you out more. I am more than willing to be here for you.

Angie  

Female Masturbation

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Angie B..

Expertise

I can answer any questions related to female masturbation. I have had a psychology practice in the state of Florida for the past ten years. I deal with, but not exclusively, females who have or are dealing with many types of sexual changes. There are NO questions that are wrong to ask about masturbation. I take every questions seriously, and will help you in anyway I can. Please feel free to ask anything, and know you will get my best advice and judgment. I have included a photo of myself on my profile. This is so you can see who you are talking to. :)

Experience

As previous stated, I have practiced over ten year in helping teen and adults overcome numerous sexual anxiety, questions about masturbation, and sexual desires --- all of which were done on a clinic level.

Education/Credentials
I have a Maser's Degree in Human Sexuality from the University of Miami. I also have a Master's Degree in Psychology from the Florida State University.

Past/Present Clients
Because of the sensitivity of the issue, I would never release names of pasts clients.

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