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Female Masturbation/Need a little guidance

QUESTION: Hi:) I'm 14. I started rubbing/touching myself when I was really little and just recently started to really masterbate. I have been reading different questions/answers and I've been hearing about this hymen. I play sports and I believe that I might have torn mine. I have experimented and I can fit 2-3 fingers in. I'm really upset bc I am and want to stay a virgen until I get married but from what I've been reading, when u tare your hymen that means your not a virgen anymore. Is this true?

ANSWER: Hi Lexie it's nice to meet you!
The most popular definition of virgin is "a person who has not had sexual intercourse." That includes the definition from the Merriam-Webster online dictionary.
In the past, the hymen had to be intact in order for a woman to be considered a virgin, but most of society does not use that as the definition anymore. A lot more women are in sports and are more open about masturbation, and the likelihood of a women reaching marriage with a hymen intact is extremely low. The only reason they used to define it this way was because if it was intact it was a sure-fire way to know that a man had not penetrated a woman. This definition is a ridiculous one, in my opinion. Today, that definition is only used by people who are very old fashioned, and think men should be in control of society.
The real test of virginity is sex. It is up to you how you want to define sex. Many people, although not all, say penetration has to be involved for it to be considered sex. I disagree. This definition means lesbian lovers can never have sex. It means people could have all the oral sex and mutual masturbation they want and still be considered virgins. To me... that doesn't seem right at all. So if you want my definition of virginity: it is anyone who has not had oral or penetrating sex. Again you will have to decide for yourself what your specific rules are. On one hand I wouldn't say a few minutes of touching or being touched would take away your virginity, but regular mutual masturbation would, so that's a line you have to draw for yourself.

I'm not someone who preaches waiting on sex until marriage, but I respect your goal and wish you much luck! In the mean time, have fun making yourself feel good, and don't get too wrapped up in labels :)

Make sure to wash your hands before fingering to avoid infection, and be careful not to rub yourself raw if you're not wet enough. Experiment, taste yourself, rub your clit, your nipples, learn what makes you feel the best.

While you wait for the right guy or girl to come along, allow yourself to look at pictures or video on your computer or phone that turn you on; and perhaps when you're ready masturbate with someone over the computer or phone, or even a close girl friend in person. These are all things that can help you avoid penetration.

I hope I've helped. Look me up anytime at or reply to this :)

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks a ton!!!:) but one more What would be some good things to try since I'm new at masturbating?

You're very welcome sweetie. Some good things to try are humping:
-rubbing yourself on your hands while on your tummy, or rubbing on the bed, the couch arm, ect... You can chose to have panties on or off for this, just make sure you don't rub yourself raw ;)
-Inserting things like small carrots or bananas or a vibrating toothbrush handle or a hairbrush handle.
Masturbating with someone else you trust and are close to, like a sister or best friend. You can learn new techniques this way and it is always more interesting and it will bring you more pleasure to have someone else doing it with you.
Hope this helps, write back or look me up on yahoo!

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Heather Smith


I can answer most questions about male and female masturbation including physical, mental and ethical aspects. I've helped many girls and women, and some men, with issues like not enough pleasure, too much or too little masturbation, mutual masturbation and teaching others, and using it to improve your sex life or life in general. If I do not already know the answer to your question, I will gladly find it or refer you to someone who does.


I have helped my sisters and friends learn how to pleasure themselves growing up. I was always the one my friends would ask about it and I would try to help find the right solution for them. I am very comfortable talking about the subject and any problem associated with it. I believe there is always a solution to any problem, but I will not hesitate to refer someone to counseling if the problem warrants it. I strongly believe masturbation is a healthy part of living for both sexes, and can especially be important for women's sexual health and relationship success. I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology and have done a lot of research on masturbation, and how a healthy amount of it can be a positive part of a young person's life, and an uplifting part of a relationship or marriage later in life. Personally I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old, and I have tried just about every trick in the book. I know what worked for me, what works for most people, and what is just a bad idea.

Volunteered for one year at a local soup kitchen which also counseled clients. Worked one-on-one with clients as a Volunteer Life Counselor there, finding solutions to financial, shelter and clothing needs.

G.E.D. acquired. Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from a Central Oklahoma University.

Past/Present Clients
I have helped many friends, my own sisters, college roommates, my friend's brother, a few men and women online.

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