Okay I'm a 14 year old girl. I've been masturbating since I was 7 or 8. I had always used a vibrator. And my mom knows bu she doesn't want me using it. Recently she took it from me and I've had to use my hands. But it's very hard to get myself wet. I tried masturbating with the end of my tooth brush which is a long clean and circular surface but when I do it I don't feel anything. I don't really feel comfortable talking about anything like this to my mother father or my sisters. And I just feel alone and I need honest help

Hello Ayanna,

    I understand your dilemma. It is hard for you because with a vibrator everything happens much faster. When you stimulate manually everything is much slower, it takes a lot longer to feel a response. It isn't that you cant do it without a vibrator, you just have to adjust your patience level. Also try telling yourself you like it, sometimes we block ourselves out just because something is different and not what we are used to and we don't even realize we are doing it. I recommend everyone us their hands before toys so they can explore their body and get to know what they like, and where their spots are. You don't want to get dependant on a vibrator to reach climax. Its important to change things up. You are still young so there is much to be discovered. It is a very sensual thing to be able to slowly and softly touch yourself and allow yourself to respond to it. I know it is hard to talk about these things with family and can be embarrassing. I want you to try to relax either in your bed or in the bath and close your eyes and really feel your self the next time. Don't worry how long it takes and don't worry if you don't respond the second you touch yourself. Be patient and allow yourself the time to really feel all over and play.

I hope this was helpful


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Pamela O'Brien


Q&A Example: Question: My boyfriend and I are not seeing eye to eye on the topic of masterbation. I like touching myself and he believes masterbation is gross. Is it wrong? And if not how much is considered unhealthy? Answer: Felicia, I am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time with this. First let me say masturbation is not unhealthy, on the contrary self stimulation can be very healthy. I am sure he believes its gross due to the way he was taught to view sex. There are many places online such as Web Md where you and your boyfriend can read about the benefits of masturbation. I would make it about exploring together and getting to know your boundaries. Communication is the key, and it is very important that he feel comfortable enough to view the topic with an open mind. Masturbation is very good for reducing stress, which can reduce head aches as well as mood swings. Keep in mind that to be overly indulgent, as with anything can be a bad thing. It is not wrong to explore your body and to feel pleasure, as long as you are doing it in a safe place and being respectful to those you share space with. Some religions say it is a sin. That is not for me to dispute, you have to know where you stand on the issue. If it is ok with your belief system, then don’t worry. Open a line of communication, sort of an anything goes “family meeting”. Explain your point of view, but also be willing to hear his. Help him find his comfort level and be willing to compromise. Maybe the next time you masturbate you can use his hand instead of yours, by placing your hand over his and guiding it to the right place. Then you are exploring together and he is learning what you like at the same time. I hope this has helped, Good Luck.. MissPammy =)


I have had many years of experience in this area. Along side being a woman, I am an avid researcher. I also have a group of ladies that I gather with and we have a round table style discussion panel. If you would like to read more, I have started an advice column as well as a review blog, websites listed below.

I am the co-founder for a non profit organization called Trust-N-You. We help displaced families/individuals become acclimated back in the community. We also provide group counseling and work with the local out reach community to provide update care for as many as we can.

My review blog: http://misspammy.sensualwriter.com/ My advice column: http://askmisspammy.wordpress.com/

I have completed Anatomy and Physiology 1 and 2, Microbiology, Nutrition, Medical Terminology, Philosophy, as well as Developmental Psychology and Public Speaking. I am currently attending Seminole State College to obtain my AA-Pre Psychology. Giving me the ability to duel enroll at UCF for my Bachelors in Psychology.

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