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Female Masturbation/No Pleasure From Masturbation

Dear Nikki,
I am 18 years old and have never dated or had sex before. I've had a lot of attention from guys recently, but am uncomfortable with my body, which keeps me from being in a relationship. While at college I had a sort of fling with a guy, even though looking back I realized I wasn't ready. I felt somewhat forced, and now have feelings of shame and disappointment in myself. He touched me down there, but instead of it feeling good, it felt kind of bad, like over-stimulated or something. He tried to finger me, but before he could even enter my vagina, I was in too much pain. Like even touching above my vagina hurt. I noticed that when I try and masturbate by rubbing myself, I don't like it. I guess the only way to explain this is that the inner folds are too sensitive or sometimes hurt a bit, and the area around my clit is also too sensitive and feels like it doesn't want to be touched. At times it seems like more of a chore than something I want to do, even though going into it I am horny and want to achieve orgasm. The only way I do masturbate is by humping a blanket or something, but I feel that this technique is embarrassing. I feel like if I ever do get into a relationship, a guy will ask me how I masturbate and I don't want to say by humping something. I also want to at least feel pleasure when I touch myself so that when a guy touches me it will hopefully feel ok too. I don't want to be thought of as weird, but more importantly, I want to feel pleasure from the "normal way" of masturbating. I know you're probably going to say there's no normal way, but in my head, and I'm sure many other girls' heads, there is. I hope I'm not the only one with this issue, and I also hope that this can help others out there.
Thank you for your time.

Hi Claire,
First of all, there is NOTHING wrong with you at all.  OK?  I’ll tell you why.
I wish I knew exactly how many women masturbate by humping something.  I started that way and still do so sometimes today.  My guess is that MOST women do masturbate by humping their hand, a blanket, pillow or the edge of the bed.  That may actually be the “normal” way.  But humping is NOTHING to be embarrassed or ashamed about.  In fact, many couples “dry hump” before they are ready to have intercourse.  So YOU ARE NORMAL Claire.  OK?
Now, your fling.  You do seem to be very sensitive, but many, many women are.  And the guy you were with probably was too rough and touched too hard/roughly.  So think about this.  Most women will tell you that the best sex is oral sex – using the mouth and tongue.  Now try something for me.  Try and press has hard as you can with your tongue against the back of your hand (don’t think about how it looks!).  You cannot press all that hard, can you, and everything gets really slick and slippery very quickly.  So that is how you should touch yourself.  With the same soft slippery touches that a tongue will make.  Do you use lubrication to masturbate (even your own saliva)?  You really must.  And if even a soft slippery touch is still painful, maybe you should check with your gynecologist to make sure there is not anything physically amiss.  But my guess is that softer touches will work better than rougher touches will.  Does that make sense?
You could also use a vibrator – try the Hitachi Magic Wand, available at Wal-Mart and similar stores.  When you use a vibrator, keep your panties on (I do).  It is too sensitive if I try it directly on my clit.  But this might help with your sensitivity issues.
Please let me know if this helps!

Female Masturbation

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I can answer all questions regarding female masturbation. I can help you reach an orgasm by masturbating, reassure you that your masturbation habits are normal, and assist you in discovering your sexual self. I am non-judgmental and caring by nature.


I have studied female masturbation for over 20 years and am an avid masturbator myself. My research has involved one-on-one interactions, personal experiences, case studies, epidemiology, and field and computer-assisted research.

I have a doctorate in biological sciences, but female masturbation has been a primary interest of mine even before I received my PhD. My goal is to assist women of all ages so that they learn that there is no shame associated with masturbation. It is a natural act that has been repressed (i.e., guilt provoking) for far too long. Women deserve pleasure the same as men, and masturbation is the best way to learn what feels good. Once they learn, women can show their partners what they like.

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