Female Masturbation/Female Masturbation

QUESTION: I am an 18 year old girl. I am originally from Pakistan but currently living in the States for the past 3 years. In Pakistan I was brought up in a religious household and went to a girls only school. I was taught early on by my mother that masturbating is a sin against god. Once when I was 12, she had caught me masturbating and had beaten my fingers severely  with a wooden ruler. I had stopped attempting to masturbate after that. Even though I felt the urge to do so many times I always diverted my mind to other thoughts whenever I felt the need to masturbate.

When I came to America one of my friends in my school tried to reduce my worries about masturbation saying that it is a normal healthy practice. I tried masturbating but I always felt somehow dirty while thinking about sex or rubbing my genitals. I was unable to reach orgasm and always felt more unsatisfied afterwards.

Recently though I have found out that one of the things that makes me aroused is a form of exhibitionism that I discovered. Which is simply wearing a skirt or a dress in public. Most women won't even consider that exhibitionism but when you grow up in Pakistan where women have to wear the Salwar Kameez and a headscarf, wearing a garment without a partition for the legs feels like what  wearing a swimsuit feels like for most western girls. I am not allowed to wear one by my parents but I change into it at a friends house.

Just a few days back I wore a knee length pleated skirt that my friend gave me and as I walked wearing it just on a whim I went to the restroom and removed my panties. As I walked in public wearing a skirt without panties I felt a surge of arousal. I felt that everybody was looking at me but when I actually saw their faces nobody was actually staring at me. So I sat down on a park bench and as I crossed my legs I felt the pressure sort of increasing between my legs and as I focused on it I felt a surge of pleasure which I can only describe as an orgasm. Afterwards I think I must have left a wet spot where I sat.

In the days that followed I tried masturbating myself in the privacy of my home but was unable to get enough stimulation and rubbing my own fingers in a sexual way over my vagina still sort of felt disgusting. It seems the only way I can get aroused is by wearing a skirt or being at the risk of exposure in public. Can you please tell me how do I get over this and learn to masturbate in the privacy of my home as well?

ANSWER: Being ashamed of something is a difficult process to get past, and takes a lot of time.
I'm sorry that you went through that, and that your mother was so closed minded.

There's no magic pill that will suddenly make private masturbation fulfilling. The reason it was pleasurable in public is that the excitement of being in public was powerful enough to override the very strong shame feelings. There's nothing that I can advise that is that powerful at home that will be guaranteed to work. The best advice I have for you is to keep practicing often. And think about the things that turn you on the most and use those at home. Use your fantasies, perhaps of being seen naked in public or being caught masturbating to bring you more pleasure. Watch porn that might be similar to your fantasy and just keep practicing.
The more you masturbate the easier it will be to not feel shame, and the less shame you feel the easier your satisfaction will be.
Just give it time :)

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Do you have any ideas about masturbating in public or exhibitionism that can be done safely without anyone noticing?

That's the thing about exhibitionism, the very thing that makes it exciting makes it dangerous. There is no "safe" public masturbation or exhibitionism, because then it wouldn't be exciting.
Your best bet may be in your car if you stay in the car when your parents go into a store to shop. I've done that before and it's been exciting, just make sure you're in a good part of town and your doors are locked ;)

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Ashley Morgan


I will do my best to answer your questions about female masturbation, including what healthy masturbation is or how it can become unhealthy, when you should consider masturbating with others and when that may cross the line to sex, and how to handle masturbation in your family whether it's your parents, siblings or children


I am a Master's Student in Developmental Psychology and have focused most of my classes and research on healthy sexual development. I have helped younger siblings, friends, cousins and now my pre-teen daughter embrace masturbation and safe sexuality in a healthy and vibrant way.

Church organizations, a counseling/soup kitchen volunteer organization and several teen puberty forums where I hope to offer advice

Class-specific college writing on Developmental and Sexual health

B.A. in Psychology at an Indiana University. One year of Masters classes.

Awards and Honors
Dean's list, 8 semesters.

Past/Present Clients
Family (siblings and my daughter), friends, cousins, and those I've met online

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