Female Masturbation/female masturbation


Question
Hello,

This is very hard for me to write about, you see, I've never ever been in a discussion about masturbation before, and I don't even know who I could trust to talk with, and it's a sensitive subject, something I don't want anybody I know to know about me and my past.
But You're answer to elaine's recent question prompted me to ask you mine, because you seemed to help her, and understand her.

I'm a fifteen year old girl, I don't know how I discovered masturbating! I did this maybe when I was three and four, before I even started school. I remember as a little kid, something would feel good down there, kind of a tingly feeling that would also build in intensity as you go along. I would lay on my tummy, put my hands between my legs on the outside of my pajama bottoms, and my butt would move up and down, and my hands would move down and up too, always in the opposite direction that my butt was moving.

I liked to do this in the morning first thing whenever I woke up, and also first thing after a nap. Was something fun to do while waking up, not wanting to be asleep, but too tired to get up and run around. But it was my little secret. I was scared about it, and thought it was something bad. I never let anybody see me.

When I started school, It was harder to do in the morning, time constraints, I started doing it before bed every night as a nightly habit / ritual.

But I was so scared of it, I remember when I was 7 somebody died of bladder cancer. I didn't know what that was, nor how you got it, but I thought my secret rubbing thing caused it. Made sense to me. Smokers do something that is fun and addictive, they get lung cancer, so why wouldn't somebody who rubs their private part in secret, something else that is also fun and at least seemed addictive cause bladder cancer???

And then when I turned 10, things got even worse. All of a sudden, I noticed whenever I was taking a shower or having a bath, if water flowed whether on purpose or on accident over "that spot" down there, it would feel similar to how I felt when I did my "rubbing thing" at night in my bed. I also accidentally discovered, that when drying myself with a towel, if I rub the towel, over that spot, it also feels good.

I still didn't know what masturbation was, nor what I was doing, and still scared, and afraid of it. Now, five years later, I of course realize that what was going on when I turned ten was me starting to reach puberty, and of course naturally discovering other techniques of the same thing that also feel good down there.

By the time I was 11, I was masturbating twice a day (bed time and first thing in the morning) using the method I've always done in my bed since a child, but also masturbating in some cases up to three more times per day using other methods I've discovered. I would do them often when in the shower or taking a bath. Doing these other methods actually started to make me feel even more guilty than my childhood method, because in these cases I was touching my "dirty spot down there" directly with my hands or fingers, whereas when I am in bed humping my hands, my hands actually are on the outside of my clothing.

It wasn't until I was thirteen, that I found out what masturbation actually was. I was at a friend's place, feeling a bit sick, and was in her bathroom for a little bit because of that, and when I got out of there (she didn't know I was feeling sick) she joked to me and said, "What were you doing in there? Masturbating?" And then she laughed, and said, "Just teasing." I didn't know what she meant, I just laughed with her and smiled.

But I looked up that word in an encyclopedia set that I owned that was right in my own bedroom. And it explained what it was. I no longer worried that I wasn't normal, nor was I worried that I was gonna get cancer or anything, but I still was ashamed about it. Just because I read that something is normal, and that so many people out of a hundred boys, and so many people out of a hundred girls do it, didn't make me feel less shamed about it. But I did enjoy knowing even just that little bit about it that I found out from a g rated family friendly encyclopedia.

I started reading a bit more in other books about sex, or parenting, or puberty, at my school library. I felt ashamed reading about them, I'd sneek them out of the library, and read them in the school washroom, shaking the whole time, and then sneeking them back into the book return slot, for a teacher or someone else to file away! I discovered what orgasms were through reading and found out about other things related to masturbation as well. I felt ashamed still about my masturbation and even more ashamed about my own researching about it. Even if I would have been able to feel good about masturbation, I definately don't feel good about reading about it in books. I feel it was wrong. But I just wanted information, and didn't know how to get it, and to ashamed to ask my parents or anybody else for such information.

Now, I'm barely fifteen, and it's been about six months, that my researching books and encyclopedias, about masturbation has led me to the internet, where I have probably read and seen things that I shouldn't have and am way to ashamed to even talk about it.

But I found you now! I can ask you questions, and not roam around the whole internet looking for answers that may not even be there!

Can you tell me what it feels like to you when you masturbate? I feel a tingly sensation down there as I rub, is that the same feeling everybody feels? The feeling also has slight variations depending on how I masturbate but more or less I'd describe it as a tingly feeling.

What does an orgasm to you feel like? I don't know how to describe my orgasms, I believe I am getting them, that's when I feel some relief, and am able to stop doing masturbation till the next time I want to do it. It's a stronger intensity feeling than the tingly stuff leading up to it, and it's like the goal to reach, and when you're there, relief, also for me sometimes disappointment, as I may want to continue to masturbate, and sad that I already climaxed.

When you haven't masturbated in a while, and you're body wants you too, is there a feeling for that? Like a craving? 'Cause, I've been feeling like that since even before kindergarten. If there was a morning or evening that I didn't do it, sometimes I'd feel a throbbing pulse down there, setting off a reminder signal to do it. And if I'd ignore it it would get stronger and stronger til I'd give in, but eventually it will go away completely if I can think of something else, but it'll never leave totally, it keeps coming back, this throbbing pulse feeling. Do you get those?

And how do I know if I'm doing it too much, and how can I quit? I don't want to quit, but I just feel bad if I can't quit. I want to believe that I can quit anytime I want to. I have tried quitting ever since I was well doing it as  a three or four year old. Even as a child, I'd try to quit since I was ashamed and scared of it but couldn't. Now I can't even go more than two days without doing it. When I purposefully try to quit, I do it the night before, telling myself it's my last time. Then in the morning, I set my alarm early enough for school, but late enough that I won't do it when I wake up, nor have time to do it in the shower or anything. But I will so want to do it already at my first opportunity! Then I do everything to go to bed as late as possible so I'll be too tired to do it at night, but even as falling asleep, these urges, cravings, throbbing pulse is there. I can maybe fight that off one night, and then all through the next day, but by day 2, I can't sleep, without taking care of these urges. I'll stay up all night if I don't do it. I've done that before, and gone three days without masturbating, all because I've stayed up for the second night of quitting and been too tired all day, and then on the third night, I've given up, and I masturbate. Considering this, it might be healthy to masturbate, not unhealthy like some believe as in I can sleep better, and can't sleep without doing it!

I do notice that if I go more than a day or two without doing it, when I do start up again, it seems more intense, more fun, like a brief abstinence whether on purpose (like what happens when I've done what I described in above paragraph) or circumstantial (like when I'm on holidays travelling with family, sharing hotel rooms, and don't have any privacy) it seems to make masturbation more fun after a brief abstinence period. Do you find that to be true?

Thank you for your time, I know this is a bit long,

Cassie

Answer
Hi Cassie!
Sorry for the delay in getting back to you hunny. There are a few days a week I get very little computer time.
First, let me start by saying that I'm truly sorry that you've felt such shame since you were so little about masturbation. I know exactly how you feel. I'm not sure what brought on your feeling of shame, but for me I was flat out told it was wrong when I was little. It's like a weight on your shoulders you can never remove because the craving is always there. You fight with yourself and try to win small battles, and in the meantime suffer so much... for what? As I grew up and became independent I realized it was no worse then eating or sleeping. Your body craves it. It is a biological need to reproduce, and unfortunately for us, your body doesn't know when, or where, you will have the best opportunities to reproduce in your life, so it always wants it.
Luckily, we don't have to run off and have sex and shoot out a baby once a year. We have hands and toys and running water to make us feel good and satisfy our cravings, and I challenge you right now to banish all the remaining thoughts and feelings of shame for your own masturbation. Some day you will look back and wonder why you let it bother you so much, the only question is how long before you are free like that, and how much will you suffer until then.

For me, I was just like you. Tingling sensations when I was little, humping or touching in private and in bed, and full on masturbation around 10 or 11.
It's hard to explain what my masturbation or arousal feels like. Sometimes it does feel like a tingling, especially if I'm just barely rubbing over my cit or my panties rub over it in a certain way. Sometimes it's more of a warm, moist wave. Sometimes it's even a wet throb ;)
The best way to explain my orgasm is waves of pleasure that begin in my clit and surge through my body, leaving my head back, my body shaking a little, and me wanting more usually.
It does however, change with age. My pre-teen daughter, who takes after her mother in her arousal, describes her enjoyment as more of a sharp tingling, with very extreme pleasure later on.
To follow up your last question, yes, abstinence does make it more enjoyable and intense... as it is with most things in our lives (favorite food, a loved one, ect...)
If you refrain from masturbation for a day or two to enjoy it more, that's fine, but I'd ask you to continue to fight the feelings of shame that lead you to stop in the first place. You're just making life more difficult then it already is, and for no real reason or purpose. One of the greatest truths you will realize, eventually, is that if you are not hurting yourself or anyone else, you're simply wasting what precious time you have on Earth worrying about it. So stop it ;)
It won't be immediate or easy, but try to release yourself from the burden of guilt. You are a beautiful spirit with, what I'm sure, is a very beautiful body as well. Enjoy your time on Earth, the only life you have, by being proud of yourself, your body, your feelings, and your pleasure.
I'm available on yahoo to go into more detail if you'd like. Beachbumchick1@yahoo.com
Love,
Ashley

Female Masturbation

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Ashley Morgan

Expertise

I will do my best to answer your questions about female masturbation, including what healthy masturbation is or how it can become unhealthy, when you should consider masturbating with others and when that may cross the line to sex, and how to handle masturbation in your family whether it's your parents, siblings or children

Experience

I am a Master's Student in Developmental Psychology and have focused most of my classes and research on healthy sexual development. I have helped younger siblings, friends, cousins and now my pre-teen daughter embrace masturbation and safe sexuality in a healthy and vibrant way.

Organizations
Church organizations, a counseling/soup kitchen volunteer organization and several teen puberty forums where I hope to offer advice

Publications
Class-specific college writing on Developmental and Sexual health

Education/Credentials
B.A. in Psychology at an Indiana University. One year of Masters classes.

Awards and Honors
Dean's list, 8 semesters.

Past/Present Clients
Family (siblings and my daughter), friends, cousins, and those I've met online

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.